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R–– @O–– –R––N–ŽĀ–N–N–  R–  N– R–  R–R–R– R–O–N– R– dO– dO–N–N–  R–N–I–N– R– +O– O–  €O–  €O– N–!O– N–"O– N–##NO– N–$$NO– N–%%NO– N–&&NO– N–''NOO––N–(Ž%whX–N‡–)O–*O–O–+N–g –N™–OO––N– Žwh–H –™–‡–+N–g–H –‡–  R– ,R– R– -R– (R– N–O– N–O– .R–/N– 0R– 1RO––N–-Ž)‘–N‡–N‡–N– ‡–‡–  – N– R– 2 O– 3 –N– OO––N–,Ž)–N–4N–5N>O––N–Ž)labelz– N–R– 6R– -R– 7–8R%–N–7–9RO––N–:Ž) –;N>O––N–<ŽenableȖL–IZ–=R– .R– >N–N–O––N–0Ž–/O– 0RO––N–]Ž)– ^R– N–_R– .R– \R– 7–8R'–N–7–9RO––N–`Ž)– N–_R– .R– UR– \R– 7–8R'–N–7–9RO––N–aŽ)+– N–_R– .RO––N–bŽ)+– N–_R– .RO––N–cŽ);– \R– N–_R– .RO––N–dŽ);– \R– N–_R– .RO––N–eŽ);– \R– N–_R– .RO––N–fŽ)X– g–hR– IL–iN–I– ]R– iOO––N–jŽ)?– g–hR– I– `R–iOO––N–#Ž)childId–!N–N>O––N–$Ž)childId– !N–,R>O––N–%Ž)childId1–iN–!N–N>™–!N–kN>O––N–&› childId–l>O––N–'Ž)childId0– !N–]R– !N–`RO@?māˆüļlengthscriptVarsagesexsubject_alreadyalready_participatednat_languageprime_languageautismdyslexiapsychiatriccountryrandomIDstartTimeStartTimetrialcurrenttrialpunWordstarsPOSThttp://www.gameswithwords.org/Puntastic/submit_vars.phpsendAndLoadfinishPunsArrayGood boy, good boy', the dog trainer muttered.Did you hear about my friend who hired out vampires and poison, and my other friend who ate children? Could say the first one was the lessor of two evils.I thought I only had enough flour to bake one loaf, but after I added yeast I had eleven breads.Reassuring his employees in the dry goods division that no one will lose their job, the president of a dairy corporation said, 'The company is in powder form!'.The Egyptian cinema usherette sold religious icons in the daytime. Sometimes she got confused and called out, 'Get your choc isis here!'A card shark loved donuts and always had his ace in the hole.A college for optometrists has a lot of glassrooms.A crazed insect discovered in the organic garden of a convent was found nun compost mantis.A dentist has to tell a patient the whole tooth.A family joker is jest having fun with his elations.A jewelry salesman was nicknamed The RingleaderA lot of brave men fought and died in San Antonio, Texas, which is Alamo reason to remember.A man named Jim Golf offered training on building golf courses called Golf's golf course course.A man sprayed a boy with ceiling foam. He was arrested for insulating behavior.A mechanic who was also a musician was good at tuning things.A murderer joined the military and made a killing.A ship was lost at sea until they founder remains.A surgeon who operates on hands likes his palms greased.A vampire had a paranormal twins.Advert for viewing a garden - 'No entrance charge - Comfrey'.After a long trek through the wilderness sleeping in a creek bed I was happy to get back home to my creaky bed.Alcohol is a crash diet.An actor who pretended to be the letter "A" would be a real character.An authentic diamond is gemuine.An auto mechanic who was also building his house had problems with his high beams.An insect extermination company opened its doors on fly-day.An inventor had his nose to the grindstone until he invented a good axe sharpener. Another stuck to it until he had a good glue.An irate loan shark owed money by John Stone proved that you *can* get blood out of a stone.An undercover doctor gave his operation a code name of LIVER.At shearing time there are some sheep thrills.Baseball is known for its pitched battles.Being a petrol-deprived thug is a tankless job.Boxers who are always on time for their bouts are very punchual.Buying a car is quite a show, which is why car salespeople use a showroom.Comedians, the biggest joke going.Dead sharks aren't be-whaled especially when they are lone sharks.Did you hear about the film editor at Hollywood who had a part-time job at a pizza parlor? He used to ask customers whether they wanted one splice or two.Did you hear about the herb who was an all round great guy, did loads of charity work and was always there to help? He was a Tarragon Of Virtue.Did you hear about the pig who couldn't tie his own shoe laces? He was too ham fisted.Did you hear about the podiatrist who got his floor tiled? He got a bad case of degrout.Eos is really sad. She is dawn in the dumps.For every 45 I collected, I would write down the song and the artist so I could keep records.For those who live in the land of ice it'snow problem.From the middle of the Pacific, the shipwrecked survivor found his way to the California coast purely by occident.Funny loggers like to humor wood.Grass always grows up.He admired my huge success in the steel industry but I told him 'Anybody can get to the top in anything if they have the desire to. There's no need to be in ore.'He asked his teacher if rust came from rot iron.He built two grandfather clocks in one month. He made good time.He decided to quit because he didn't want to become a Paul of smoke.He said his dog won first in class. I smiled only as a cur to see.He said, 'Hones', that is the truth', but I knew elide.He shot two birds and then realized they were dead wingers.Hilarious signs that stick to refrigerators can disrupt gravity with magnetic lines of farce.His daughter grew flowers because her poppy liked to see them every daisy.His writing was like his pencils: short and sharp.How do bunnies that don't have a car commute to work? The Rabbit Transit.How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.I don't field like football today, and besides, baseball is a batter game!I raised my intelligence using my cranium.I used to think I'd hate Italian food, but I finally decided to give pizza a chance.I was only going to buy one ounce of pot from a friend but I got a pound instead. It was a smokin' deal.I went to the dentist without lunch, and he gave me a plate.I'm blind enough to look at the situation in the wrong fashion, so I changed my clothes.If a prince is thrown to the air he might also remember that he is heir to the throne.If you dive into shallow water you could jump to the wrong conclusion.If you give your sweetie pretty flowers will she turn on her flirty powers.If you're looking for a fish that's good to eat you can't beat a drum.It seems like it's always Patsy's fault.It's important for a clock salesman not to lose face.Mattresses are tested in a test bed.Midwives don't like to wear breeches.Mr. Wright made the right decision to hire a right hand man.Mrs. Pickering works in a jewelry store.Musical mechanics always sing in parts.Not only are you shortsighted, Toulouse-Lautrec, you can't see the forest for the knees.Officer Jones takes his yearly bath every June. He is a characteristic example of a dirty cop.Oh what a tangled web we weave. On the Internet.Old chicken farmers never die, they just have a dozen aches.Old pilots never die, they just get more turbulent.One scholar claimed that others could count on him to get even with odd numbers.Paul Revere got the Magna Carta before the horse.Pearl Opal and Ruby all work in a jewelry store with Grace.People adorned with Bogus Deuterium Ingots aroused suspicion. Most people said they didn't trust anyone with BDIs.People who call others four-eyes have no foresight.People who see a psychiatrist should get their head checked.People who work at a mint make a lot of money.Photographers are often very candid people.Photography developers occasionally have serious emulsionial problems.Polly the senator's parrot swallowed a watchSea gulls that fly over the bay are baygulls.Shine your shoes when they're new to keep them squeaky clean.Soft drink inventors saw a big popportunity.Some athletes who were also artists got together and discussed race and color.Some car salesmen try and sell rack-and-opinion steering.Some people marry for love, others for wealth. That's why it is called match or money.Some people spend a lot on their face, and always want to be taken at face value.Some pigs were sold at auction while they were in a porking lot.Spray paint sells for a good mark up.Surfing is a swell sport!The amberdextrous thief was caught yellow-handed.The book had a hint of foreshadowing.The boss counted noses on the plant floor as an olfactory census.The boy swallowed a pillow, so the hospital described his condition as comfortable.The correct formula for concrete is worthwhile to cement in your mind.The dairy farmer skimmed his herd and then condensed it.The divorced couple hurled Angostura and Boston cream pie at each other - it was a bitter, custardy dispute.The editor really took a lot out of my manuscript. He cut a great dele.The electrician worked on the side as a musician. He was a conductor on the train.The English gentleman could not play cribbage. You can't put a squire peg in a round hole.The goat breeder's rich farmland was full of does and bucks.The guitarist was a very capo-ble player.The hen was unable to add numbers until the rooster bought her a new cackle-later.The Internet contains a large surfeit of information.The obese editor started a weight redaction program.The otolaryngologist had not heard much about health care reform, he thought the plan smelled fishy, and the debate left a bad taste in his mouth.The prairie quartet sang flat while the scissors trio sang sharp.The research into a cure for measles is spotty and measly.The sailor's barque had a bight.The sign language teacher was very good with her hands.The statistician attended the dance stag. He didn't have any data.The stock market crashes, but Viagra beats the flop.The truant officer caught several kids at the ice rink. They were playing hockey.The twin girls rented flora to offices. They called their business 'Sisterhood of the Traveling Plants'.Then there were some vermin who abandoned a porcelain basin that was mailing packages at the post office. The rats were leaving the shipping sink.There was a telephone repair man named Jack who was always wired on coffee but he always put in a good plug for the company.There's a sin dividing line between heaven and hell.Those changing baby diapers sometimes act rashly.Those who polish cars so that they shine work in a buffer zone.To plan a graveyard you need a skeleton idea before a detailed plan.Two companies that made shoelaces had common ties.Two pilgrims were left behind after their diagnostic test came back positive.Two sailors named Brad Stowe and Ben Lowe had to B.stow their things B.low.Underpaid weather forecasters predicted a storm of protest.Wally wasn't sure in which branch of the Army he wanted to serve, but he gravitated toward the paratroops.We are all speaking American. Is this a country diction in terms?Well paid plumbers are flush but those who have to pay them get flushed.What did Aristurtle's followers call themselves? The Sloics.What do they call all that lumber on the Star Trek's Enterprise? Captain's log.What is the question insomniacs are always asking people? 'How'd you sleep last night?'What would be the brand name of the highest quality copy paper money could buy? The ream of the crop!When a cow climbs a hill the cream comes to the top.When bottled water is cheap it's called a liquidation sale.When cooking deep fried foods, you must ensure that the oil remains at a constant tempura-churro.When driving, lawyers have to watch out for the sharp attorneys.When he found out that he would visit a real blacksmith he got all fired up.When it came to reasons for eating the fruit, Eve Adam.When looking for diggers an oil company's last task is a farewell bid on a fair well bid.When the 'big cheese' of the company came to a meeting and sat between the president and vice-president he turned out to be a big cheese grilled sandwich.When the butter melted, it was rendered useless.When the crop was destroyed, there was no more cranberry source.When the elevator was invented, it was a step in the right direction.When the orange played the lemon at tennis, the score was deuce.When the prisoner died just before his parole they put him in a halfway hearse.When whales are angry they blow up and then let off steam.When you can't decide with your friends whose place to have a party at, that's known as party politics.Why did the man go to a lot of church cook-outs? Because it's hard to find a good grill.Why will you never starve at the beach? Because of all of the sand which is there.With loggers -- using a chain saw is axio-matic.Work in a warehouse is always shift work.Wow, thanks for the tea. I'm glad I got to Chai it.Writers see their publishers through authorize.You should always use basil the day you buy it - as they say, herb today, gone tomorrow.'Pun' backwards is nup. And a nup is a nup is a nup.'Should we watch the Swiss?'. 'Of quartz we should.'200 years from the final buffalo hunt will be a bisontennial.A bank manager who was also a high jumper spent most of his time in the vault.A bankrupt window installer felt the pane of shattered dreams.A baseball player joined the army and did the round of military bases.A baseball player swallowed his gum because he choked up.A baseball player was a thief. He was always trying to steal.A baseball player's mother knows what he likes to eat on the home plate.A bird with a headache might just migraine south.A book called 'Current Trends in Wiring your House' turned out to be a shocking failure.A botanist-turned-prize fighter was penalized for aloe blow.A boxer went on an assault-free diet.A boxer who wants to get married has the ring to worry about.A bride-to-be got a hoarse throat walking in the rain to her bridal shower.A business man who wanted more ties bought some in Thailand where ties are very collar full.A good career choice for kids who just like to sit around and make faces: a watchmaker.A carpenter is a shelf made man.A certain ship's captain was deep and unfathomable.A chaplain on the sea leads the soldiers in their warship.A china doll was marked in tiny letters: 'maid in USA'.A circus truck driver refused to tow the lion.A clumsy physician who pretends to care is a hypocritical oaf.A comedian was published post humorously.A computer program attached to an electric chair would have to have its execution checked carefully.A construction worker apprentice has to learn foundation principles before going on to more concrete subjects.A contest held by fire fighters is called a 'match'.A country that makes too many explosives is an a-bomb-i-nation.A cowboy who was also an artist could draw fast.A cowboy's steers were so funny they were known as the laughing stock.A crazy programmer with a cold is a coughing hacker.A deadbeat statistician spray paints walls with graphiti.A dentist named Phil McCavity always quit work at tooth-hurtie.A detective likes to have a brief case.A discussion of digging a new mine shaft was too deep for him.A dog who played baseball always got walked.A donkey inspector has to assess the asses.A dozen swimmers started a race at the stroke of twelve.A Dracula movie had to be re-Vamped.A drummer can cymbalize the enthusiasm of a band.A drummer who broke his drum and didn't pay for it was a dead-beat.A dry cleaners had a dozen suits in court.A farmer wanting to kill a chicken for dinner has to move faster than a speeding pullet.A fierce storm blew through the mint. It created quite a windfall.A fisher named Annette really got caught up in her work.A fisherman who was also a pianist was an expert with scales.A flat rate is the monthly rent for an apartment.A gambling gardener usually hedges his bets.A gardener buys super seeds to supersede the garden from the previous year.A gardening store owner who often called long distance for importing realized that talk and dirt aren't necessarily cheap.A grizzly's grandparents are his forebears.A group of physicists is called a nucleus.A guy swallowed a spoon and found he couldn't stir.A guy who accidentally drove his small import into a giant shrink-wrap machine had his Fiat sealed.A guy who crashed his model T Ford was a T totaller.A hangman telling a joke can be cord-ial but he will string you along to the punish line.A hangman will always keep you in the loop.A heart surgeon who also conducts music is a pace maker.A horse named Storm could ride like lightning with the rein.A jelly truck and a biscuit truck collided yesterday - police are a trifle concerned.A kettle on the stove was singing 'Home on the Range'.Newspaper headline: A lawyer representing an angry cow finds just cause for sour milk in a dairy case.A lifeguard's vocation is vacation.A little boy called his father who made balloons 'Pop'.A little boy was so full of energy that even when he read a book it was a hyper text.A little girl who was always talking was nicknamed 'Little Miss Information'.A locksmith has to have a good combination of skills.A lost guy named Al had to be al-located.A lot of big delivery companies are always trying to courier favour.A low grade miner often feels very down.A man ate platefuls and platefuls of chips. His truly was the face that lunched a thousand chips.A man tried working in a shoe store, but he just couldn't seem to fit in.A man used money that he had inherited from his late father and put an addition on his house. It was an heir extension.A man who wore lots of after-shave lotion was quite a pun-gent man.A man with no pennies got into senseless trouble.A mechanic bolted out of his shop to find some nuts only to wrench his back.A musician tripped over a chord which resulted in a nasty note.A musician went to hospital after playing too many accidentals.A new insect extermination company opened last fly day.A one-legged monk became a bell-hop.A pair of loud twins were stereo speakers.A panhandler comes up to you and begs the question.A paramedic got a new job as a chauffeur: an ambiance driver.A personal financial dilemma is known as a bill pickle.A photographer taking pictures of golfers says 'watch the birdie'.A pirate with one hand often picked up the phone. He wanted to get off the hook.A pirate wrote his wooden leg into his will as a leg-acy.A politician decided to resign on the day of an eclipse because it was a dark day.A politician who was a proper goose was a victim of propaganda.A pop singer bought a new house for a song.A primitive tribe known as the Inno had no money - until they reached the age of Inno cents.A psychotherapist named Anna Liza wore a Freudian slip.A pun can be made on any subject -- except a king, who isn't a subject.A range-finder is a person who goes shopping for a new stove.A river dredging project was to undergo an in-depth audit.A rock band set up on the exchange floor. They wanted to play the stock market.A romantic florist likes two-lips.A scientist who became a racing car driver drove in Formula One.A scientist who wanted a tattoo got a skin graph.A sea captain navigating through a narrow channel was in dire straits.A search party was launched, in the dark, for the missing girl. There were quite a mixture of helpers but one boy in particular carried a torch for her.A six-foot-nine barber is a cut above the rest.A skier who loses a race on a cold day will have a frosty disposition.A skier who makes it to the Olympics finds that it is all down hill from there.A soldier is someone who stands in formation to receive information.A sparrow can't hold much in its beak but a pelican.A street musician was carefully watching his whole notes.A tailor had many problems to address.A tailor has a vest-ed interest in sewing up a profit.A tall man isn't always a man of high standing.A teacher must ensure her overheads aren't over the heads of her students.A teenage professional athlete has to eat lots of pro-teen.A teenaged bullfighter is an oxymoron.A tennis match organizer had a smashing success and a net profit.A third-generation clothes designer had it in her jeans.A tire store loves a chance to roll out a new product.A waiter who played tennis was great at serving.A waiters' union representative is call the chop steward.A werewolf's favorite day of the week is moonday.A wide loaf had bread-th.A young corporal dislocated his arm during a battle but kept going. You could say he was shouldering on.A young man visited the librarian every day so he could get into her good books.A young sailor thought all of the waves were just swell.Accordian to my music instructor and his staff, squeezing in more rehearsal time is key to my success.Acrobats are always doing good turns.African safari rangers sometimes have to meet dead-lions like the rest of us.After a night out on the town the wine-drinking pirate captain had a port list.After a tiring game in the rain a referee likes to wet his whistle.After burning a batch of cookies a baker felt very crummy.After going to work and playing, musicians come home suite home.After getting pranked by his friends and getting hit with a basket, Aaron knew they had a wickerd sense of humor.After he bought a mirror he became very reflective.After he bought his two-year-old a felt pen, he was a marked man.After his computer problems he decided on a crash course in security.After his watch battery ran down, he had a bad time.After taking the elevator to the top floor I felt very up-lifted.After watching Casino Royale, girls flocked to a chemistry class because they heard there was a single bond there.Aged attorneys retire because they're tired of the old writ race.Aliens are lovable because they're so spatial.Aliens can easily understand each other because their language is universal.An accountant at a coffee company is known as a bean counter.An accountant for a restaurant has to be sure the books are not cooked.An acrobat was so strong that he held the balance of power.An animal that eats without stopping is a hippobottomless.An apple farmer with poor yields has to get to the core of the problem.An archaeologist found a mummy lying in a sleeping position and reported that the artifact was embedded.An architect for a church would draw a cross section.An architect knows how to make a long storey short.An armed robber who yelled 'freeze' at an ice-making plant was given a cold reception by the police.An army officer is a position that some people shoot for.An arsonist who went straight as an engineer decided, however, not to burn his bridges.An artist without a palette makes paintings without taste.An astronomy column in the newspaper would have a lot of space devoted to it.An auction at a funeral parlor is more-bid.An inspirational message on a sign outside of a coal mine said 'Keep Adit!'.An offer of a free lunch was not enough to entice Freud to make a presentation at a Behaviorist Convention. He explained, 'There was nothing on the menu that was oedipal.'An old Indian man was fishing online for puns, with baited breath he waded, until he gave up and decided take a poll and caste from his own line, when he caught a triple entendre.An old professor who was never on time died and was called the late professor Brown.An opinionated but cheap person never truly gives their two cents.An undertaker named Barry was involved in an underground plot.Ancient architects went through columns of figures to figure their columns.Ancient Roman senators liked to make big statutes.Ancient vessels lacked stability because there were no rudders in the days of yaw.Any lawyer will tell you that affidavit is better than none at all.Archery contests are usually won by an arrow margin.Are fish smart because they spawn good ideas while in schools?Are puns for children or groan-ups?Arguments about the weather will eventually blow over.Army dentists make a good drill corps.As a fruit, oranges are very a-peeling.As a golfer you have to have good fore-sight.As a police officer he was usually off-beat.As a short order cook he was a flash in the pan.As he approached the bridge in rush hour, his radio played The Car Strangled Spanner.As I revived her using mouth to mouth resuscitation, in spite of my lisp, I couldn't help noticing her beautiful breaths!As Tarzan flew through the air he was truly de-vine.As to how to play snooker, some people don't have a cue.As to teenagers, clothes are definitely one of their hang-ups.Asked by a waiter if she would like a drink, the lady replied 'wine not?'Astronauts like to do launch.Astronauts work in a nice atmosphere.At a company where they dig for gold, a labor dispute is a miner problem where no one wants to get the shaft.At first he was a sprinter, but then he decided to run for office.Atom bombs dropped on coral islands took atoll on them.Ballet dancers are really kept on their toes.Baseball players sometimes have sign-us trouble.Basketball players over seven feet tall are highly sought after.Bee keepers always manage to keep buzzy.Before he was hired as a short order cook, they grilled him.Before the scientist discovered taste buds, they were on the tip of his tongue.Bike sales go in cycles.Birds can be soft on themselves or down on themselves but they are fair weather friends.Brad Pitt makes Angelina jolly.Buy a chicken franchise and you'll soon find out your pecking order.Buying a cheap mouse could leave you with a squeak and a sad tale.By yourself you're in the right. In a group you're in the throng.Cafeteria customers are in the line of fare.Can honeybee abuse lead to a sting operation?Candy, who was a sweet girl, married Rich, who was a wealthy guy.Caribbean barbers know how to calypso well.Carpenters have to be level headed with no screws loose, but if they come down hard don't worry -- it's because they are aesthetically pleasing people.Cashiers really know how to take charge.Changing a tire on that crazy Houston freeway was a wrenching experience.Chemist's work is element-ary.Chicken farmers will often share a good yolk.Chickens can give some people a foul rash.Chinese sailors eat junk food.Chiropractors rub some people the wrong way.Choosing to use either bark or rocks in the garden can be a tu-mulch-uous decision.Chop up an old piano and you will get a cord of wood.Civil servants named Grant are known as government grants.Claribell was so allergic to natural fibers that he had to make his clown suit entirely out of polyjester.Cleopatra was the Pharaohs one of all.Cold weather mechanics have to jacket up.Communism is a complicated thing. You must think about from all sorts of Engels.Computer hackers surf the web on keyboards.Computer programs for gambling need beta testing.Cooks who use too many spices could be in-salted.Could modern submarines be the wave of the future?Cyclists really grind my gears.Dance studios have waltz-to-waltz carpeting.Demeanor employees are moved to another deportment.Dentists have the same old grind day after day.Diamond prospectors have to use a good strata-gem.Did you hear about the father that was difficult to see? He was transparent.Did you hear about the man who got his finger stuck in his computer? He was trying to insert his thumb drive.Did you hear about the two Wall Street financial hot dogs that got on a roll?Do dentists of foreign extraction pull teeth rootinely?Do podiatrists ever use toe trucks? I know one that charges by the foot.Do you have any parting words? - How about 'comb' and 'brush'?Don't disturb anyone working on a puzzle or you may get some cross words.Don't let a candy seller sweet talk you.Don't needle a hairdresser when she's trying to stylus.Don't speed in the frozen North because the police will stop you cold.Dr. Heimlich maneuvered through the traffic choke-point near San Juan Capistrano and waited expectantly for a swallow.Drug research companies have created their own cold rush.Duncan sees donuts as his worst problem so he figures he dozen have to worry too much.Earlier times saw more hand-maid items.Early nuclear experimenters discovered an element of surprise.Employers like their mechanics to be geared up.Environmentalist: expert in computer operating systems.Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.Even though Ashley was blind and under arrest, she still had hope that someone would brail her out.Even though he contributes either the X or Y chromosome, when a father chooses the sex of his child it's just a sperm-of-the-moment decision.Every time I put on some trousers, my wardrobe get depleated.Everyone was hungry so we had the pig roaster going full boar.Executives in bronzeware companies are called the Top BrassExpensive golf clubs are par for the course.Farmers can hardly wheat for a good harvest.Farmers have 'my grain' headaches.Fashionable women in Indiana all wear designer Hoosiery.Financial advisers are paid to be right on the money.Fishermen know how to string you a line.Fishers often wet their appetite.Five brothers wanted to buy a horse, so they all had to pony up.Florence Nightingale had many suitors because men liked to go with the Flo.Flying these days is a frisky business.Food that goes rotten while being transported to the store is un-pallet-able.For a chemist disappointed in an experiment the reaction was on his face.For a criminal, a change is not as good as arrest.For class schedules Yoga instructors are flexible.For greeting card companies their fate is in the cards.For many people cats are the purrfect pet that they like to paws with after a busy day.For meat some people eat lamb and mutton else.Funny looking corn grows on a laughing stalk.Gardeners like to spring into action.Getting rid of your boat for another could cause a whole raft of problems.Getting soap in your eyes is no lathering matter.Grandparents' faces are full of epoch marks.Greeks can't stay out late because they have a Corfu.Grey's Anatomy has many humerus remarks.Grills are a hot item.Gun control is the subject of a loud report.Gutenberg was a good type when pressed.Hard water is sometimes used to make soft drinks.Harry and Clem the carpenters argued mightily on how best to complete the dinette set they were working on. They finally agreed to table the discussion.Always choose an optometrist for president: they are people of vision.Having a rude waiter at an Ethiopian restaurant just adds insult to injera.He became an astronaut and had a blast.He bought a gun to hunt for deer to get more bang for the buck.He bought the drum for a great price; it was a steel.He chopped up his political opponent with axioms.He cleaned shoes for a living because he really took a shine to it.He could never go bowling when his mind was in the gutter.A: He doesn't talk much does he? B: He's just a little horse.He dressed poorly in grade eight. The next year he dressed to the nines.He gave up playing chess and went on to a checkered career.He grew up with poker. He was raised, called, and dealt with.He had a prePASTerous history.He had trouble in his new job making tents and got himself into a flap.He liked playing cards but was trying to re-deuce his gambling.He lit the arrow head because he wanted to fire it.He often played the violin with his wife, but she never played second fiddle.He owned a fish farm until he poured out his sole.He ran a wheat grinding operation which was far from run-of-the-mill.He realized he'd made the major leagues when it finally hit him.He said he'd been golfing but smelled like the ocean. Something fishy was up.He sold large bullets and acted like a real big shot.He studied water purification and had a great thirst for knowledge.He took a nail to the volleyball game because he wanted to spike it.He took roller skates to Mount Everest so he could be a high roller.He tried to take a photograph without much focus until finally it clicked.He used to repair televisions, but his business went down the tubes.He wanted to become a pilot but decided that it was over his head.He wanted to buy a load of soil that didn't cost the earth.He was a nuclear physicist for a half-life.He was a Red Cross donor until he went out of circulation.He was able to listen to his favorite radio show in the morning because he had an AM radioHe was always on-call at the Oncology College.He was going to manufacture bathtubs until his bank pulled the plug.He was selling palm trees, but people thought it was a shady deal.He was trying to sell me new windows, but his motivations were transparent.He worked in a chocolate factory, but always took his sweet time.Heart surgeons never bypass a good opportunity.Helen didn't like it even if she gained one troy ounce.Her exam was on the human skeleton, so she decided to bone up.His affection for her was more than a passion interest.His dairy herd became a cash cow.His hair was light and his head was angular: he was fair and square.His job was to test washing machines in a never-ending cycle.His plan to manufacture pencils just didn't draw attention.Hitchhiking is not a good rule of thumb.Hold on to your plate during dinner to get a well balanced meal.Honeydew you realize we cantaloupe because they would banana from traveling to chili.Horses eat best when they don't have a bit in their mouth.Hotel sign: Do drop in to the Dew-drop InnHow do pinnipeds communicate? With seal phones.How does a Welsh man eat cheese? Caerphilly.Hypochondriacs like champagne.I accidentally left my vacuum cleaner running all night. I guess you could say it was an overnight suck excess.I bought a computer from The Nero Company. It comes with a CD-Rome burner.I bought my wife a really cute bell ringer for the front door - it was a door a bell.I discovered that existence is no more than a never-ending circle in a roundabout kind of way.I felt sick after I ate the scallopini. I didn't veal well at all.I had to twist his arm to go into the wrestling tournament.I hate it when motorcyclists hog the road.I have always wanted to hand out carts at Wal-Mart. I cannot imagine a greeter job.I have taken it a pun myself to find a good pun!I know a pyromaniac who is so bad no one can match him even if they get all fired up.I know road rage is an awful thing but when someone bumped my car I just couldn't help it. I got out my camera and snapped at the offender.I noticed that the sun was out, and nobody had bothered to relight it.I once worked at a factory that made boat paddles. The starting pay was ten dollars an oar.I paid $100 for eight legs of venison. Do you think this was two deer?I saw this French movie on TV last night, I think it was about a few people who were less miserable than everybody else.I walked into this posh restaurant, the prices were extortionate. It was daylight snobbery.I wanted to join my local rambling club, but the guy I spoke to on the phone just went on and on.I was fighting a dragon -- easier slayed then done.If a clock had legs, time would run out.If a clock maker owns a cat it will probably have tics.If a restaurant isn't sweet to its chefs they might dessert.If a waiter doesn't succeed he has to tray, tray, and tray again.If all your troubles are melting away watch out for the floods.If cats could read they would paws after each claws.If I drink a lot of Geritol am I consuming a fossil fuel?If you attend a convention it's amazing how many unconventional people you meet.If you deliver automobile parts be sure to get your bearings.If you don't pursue your dream of being a great and compassionate landlord, does that make you a lesser lessor?If you eat soup that's nine days old you will get bad broth.If you get too thin you just might be a human bean.If you golf on election day -- cast an absent-tee ballot.If you have need of a locksmith he will be your key man.If you have too many scientists together how do you get iridium?If you lean over a balcony and cut open a rotten peach you will see the pitfall.If you lose your knitting don't sweater it.If you operate a drill press you have a boring job.If you plant the cabbage first, it will have a head start.If you spend too long commuting every day half your job is line dancing and brake dancing.If you spend too much time in the coffee shop you'll be latte for work.If you want to buy a hose you might go on a shopping spray.If you want to learn the ropes cowboys are usually accessibull.If you want to make really good soap you've got to raise the bar.If you work in a forestry company you will probably have to log your time.If you're dying to purchase cropland in Thailand, then you've baht the farm.If your mother's sister is against poker - the aunty may be anti-ante.In a surfing competition the winner got wave reviews.In Egypt archaeologists pyramid the ruins for mummies and those places where ancient wrappers performed.In parking lots, arguments often start from scratch.In the sea do you measure the speed of the tide in knots?In the winter, some horses are Friesian.In War of the Worlds, humans survived the attack because of their inalienable right to life.Inside a hot dog factory you never sausage a sight before.Inventors have their own devices.Is Louis' Arm strong enough to play a trumpet?Isn't it strange that Sitting Bull fought at Custer's Last Stand?It takes only moments to go and get seconds but hours' of practice to take good minutes.It's been said ophthalmology is a contact sport.It's hard to wear your heart on your sleeve if all you own is tank tops.It's insane the way he collects large bird feathers. It's just plume crazy.It's no wonder that some baseball players have lots of money - often even many of the bases are loaded.It's only fitting that it's tailors who pull the wool over our eyes.Jenny was sure she was going to Heaven but she wouldn't harp on it.Jim: 'Did you hear about the guy who ate twenty pancakes for breakfast?' Joe: 'How waffle.'Juneau Alaska? It's up there next to Canada, Yukon see it on a map, so it's not just an Aleutian.Junior loved being a member of the wrestling team even though he was prone to lose.Kobe Bryant is a terrible fisherman because he always gets nothing but net.Female newscasters do their hair in a short wave.Landscaping to the left and right of a house produces side effects.Let me share with you a couple of keys to playing piano.Let's go to the gym and weight a while.Lion tamers roar with laughter when they give their animal a funny bone to eat.Lions don't have to worry about every little detail in life...just the mane thing.Luggage made of snakeskin is ex-hiss baggage.Lumberjacks have to keep problem logs.Marie Antoinette said that feeding the peasants was a piece of cake.Marine biologists like to see a friend or sea anemone.Massage therapists need a touch of style.Match makers like to strike up a light conversation.May the 4th be with you.Mirrors can serve many useful purposes, on reflection.Morticians make you feel dead gorgeous.Most hunters are nice because they're such deer people.Most samurai refused to shave. They were bushi.Mothers everywhere want their children to give peas a chance.My brother saved money by shaving his head rather than going to the barber. You might say he was making cutbacks.My daughter's studying natural medicine and I'm rooting for her.My dog keeps me healthy, so he's my cur for the common cold.My dog's gone because I spilled Spot remover on him.My friend is very paranoid. He says people are either foe him or against him.My friends and I played a game of football on a pile of quarry rock - we lost on aggregate.My girlfriend once gave me a Valentine made of soft leather. What a suede heart.My grandmother learned grammar by wrote.My heart starts aiken when Clay sings.My mother's sister is the antonym of my uncle.Never ask a boxer for a drink because they're tight fisted.Nurses often have to check their patient's impulse without missing a beat.Nurses who give shots do a great job but sometimes get paid a measle-y salary.Occasionally in the Caribbean there's a total calypso the sun.Old bankers never die, they just pass the buck.Old shepherds never die, they just keep spinning yarns.On a farm a horse and some pigs could be neigh-boars.On her first day as a lifeguard she was still wet behind the ears.On Valentines day many people take heart.One real estate agent said to another, "House it going?"One Sunday afternoon the Three Musketeers played a game of touchĆ© football.Patients usually feel better after receiving hand transplants.People can't seem to agree on Global Warming because it's a polar icing issue.People who hate the marines are rotten to the corps.People who have a head like a sieve are usually re-strained.People who live in the mountains have their own viewpoint.People who make necklaces may get beady eyes.Pets that want a walk can be very dog-matic.Plumbers often have to tap their natural abilities.Police like to make collect calls.Politicians double cross bridges when they come to them.Politicians get onto the merry-go-round and then put a spin on it.Pool players like to rack and roll.Power corrupts, especially at the electric company.Promiscuous is the Greek Goddess of liberal favors.Puns are the worst vice, and there's no vice versa.Rearranging our schedule can bias time.Resigned to my fate, I bought 24 bottles of red wine. It was a case of syrah, syrah.Rocky Road chocolate is best served stone cold.Roofers are straightforward. You can tell what they are rafter.Salespeople selling security equipment like to see people get alarmed.Sea captains can be port-ly.Seafood operations start out on a small scale.She always paints night scenes. Other artists pale by comparison.She beat him to the garden by pre-seeding him.She had two different jobs as a chef which gave her a full plate.She owned twenty shoe stores and was very well heeled.She phoned him in the next room on his cell phone. Close call.She sold freezers by making cold calls.She started a new courier business for an express purpose.She swallowed a peach seed and could feel it in the pit of her stomach.She wanted to be head of the artist's union so she started canvassing artfully.She was listening for a Russell while walking through the trees.Sign at a place where you lose weight: 'Stop, Look and Lessen'.Since they started paying dog catchers by the pound, they're feline the pinch.Skydivers have to make sure the terra they land on is firma.Q: So you want me to go to the beach with you? A: I'm not shore I can make it.So, how's the flower business going? Oh, it's blossoming quite nicely.Some butchers make cutting remarks to those they meet with and get in a real stew.Some cardiologists are heartless.Some folks are revolted by, have resistance to and find shocking watt is charged in our ohms for the use of electric current.Some foolish people gain by experience many perils of wisdom.Some funeral home employees don't like the graveyard shift.Some gamblers are always looking for a pair-a-dice.Some horses cause their owners a lot of woe.Some mathematicians are on the negative side while others are quite positive.Some people get married only for the matri-money.Some people go deep sea fishing for sailfish motives.Some people have to get up for work at the crank of dawn.Some people like to whine and dine.Some people love horoscopes to pisces.Some people think that war is a gross domestic product.Some people use a restaurant to rest-and-rant.Some people use thimbles, and other people miss the point.Some people who cut hair can be quite barbarous.Some power saws are a cut above the rest.Some resist having the 'flu jab but it's quite innocuous.Some say the moon affects the tide. Others, the untied.Some twins cause pair annoy-ya.Some who go sip also gossip.Some women approaching 30 look for a man-date to get married.Some women stay single and others are the Marion kind.Someone led me to believe that graphite was discovered in Pennsylvania.Spoiled meat is a dead loss.Stationery store employees formed a musical group called the Elastic Band.STDs are the result of practicing license without a medicine.Stereo speakers are made by 'high volume' manufacturers.Students who accent their textbooks with color markers add a real highlight to their day.Surgeons often have to have an open heart and an open mind.Swimmers have to be careful not to get into deep trouble.Tailors needle little something to catch the thread of a conversation.Teachers' hands are usually chalk-full.The athlete colored her hair and started a winning streak.The babysitter had several charges to take care of.The baker had ten children and there was always a bun in the oven.The barber did well at house break-in as he was good at cutting locks.The best basketball players are at the top of their game.The best gardening clubs are grass roots organizations.The best way to make a baseball bat is to carve it by hand. Using a machine is just lathe-y.The biomedical engineer didn't have the heart to check the EKG machine.The body builder worried too much about the lifting contest and his trainer concluded that the mind is a terrible thing to weights.The boy had never played basketball before so he decided to give it a shot.The boy wailed when he saw the dead orca.The brightest day of the week is Sun-dayThe bullfighter's display of timidity left macho to be desired.The color of the sun in the early morning: rose.The computer bug got caught in a spider website.The conductor who didn't pay his orchestra had to face the music.The couple grew fruit trees and lived to a ripe old age.The date of the marathon was changed. She took it in stride.The decision to shoot more wolves caused howls of protest.The dentist's favorite clothes store was 'The Gap'.The designer wondered why his pirate room wasn't perfect, so the judge told him he went a little overboard.The doctor said it was an infected organ that was causing my Bach-ache.The editor received his award with sheer delete.The elderly chef retired because his sage was showing.The electricity was off and they couldn't found out watt was the problem.The explorer was surprised when the Amazon swallowed his companion because they were still far from the river mouth.The fair young maid made fun of the fare at the fair as unfair.The fellow died before he was able to write his estranged daughter out of the will. Death before disown her.The fire chief was always asked burning questions.The first court held in the air was on a trial balloon.The first order of priority in hiring math majors is get them to sine on the dotted lineThe fisher said he liked the sea. On the surface of it.The fisherman kept bragging about the big fish he caught, but he would not be very pacific about where he caught it.The Flanders native kept clearing his throat because he was phlegmish.The forecast for the weather in the kitchen is chili today and hot tamale.The forest ranger reunited a mother with her cubs and had to bring all his expertise to bear.The former Dallas running back told me the most amazing story. It was Emmit's myth.The fortune teller was plain spoken because she was a clear voyant.The ghost practiced scaring people night after night. He was finally ready for his day boo.The guilty caviar was rightly sentenced to death roe.The hole dug to bury a Latvian carpenter is known as a Riga mortise.The insane are crazy about fruit cake.The inventor of sandpaper had a rough time of it.The inventor of the balloon was full of hot air.The inventor of the electric light bulb was brilliant because his ideas were so illuminating.The inventor of the Fahrenheit scale solved the problem by degrees.The inventor of the stove top was in his element.The IRS visited the bronze maker and got down to brass tax.The janitor's union called for sweeping reforms.The Jedi Knight traded in his light saber for a light dagger. He had gone over to the dirk side.The knights facing each other at King Arthur's table disagreed a lot because they were diametrically opposed.The leader of the sauce council is the mayor naise.The man loved to play with kangaroos - he got a kick out of it.The man who worked in the gum factory fell in a vat of bubblegum. His boss had to chew him out.The manicurist asked for finger tips after she had finished the job.The math professor liked even numbers, but only the odd one.The Mayflower was washed up before the Yule Tide.The melody kept on playing until it became a strain.The miser wasn't able to stop on a dime.The newspaper doesn't put in Politics what is Classified.The nutritionist broke her speech into bite-sized pieces.The orange squeezer was invented with some juicy information.The other animals shunned the kangaroo. They treated him like a leaper.The pediatrician was a real kidder.The player felt debased after the ball knocked him off second.The plot to his story of the pond was quite shallow.The plums for sale dried out, so the profits were pruned.The police barbershop quartet's favorite song is "Donuts make my brown eyes blue."The port was very beautiful. The sailors said it was haven on earth.The predatory prawn shop skinned many an octopus alive and put a lot of suckers on squid roe.The president of a ladder manufacturer had to step down.The prisoner had a very short sentence. He was a contemporary.The racers all had shorts on that were too small for them, so it was a tight race.The retired track official has started forgetting things. He has old timer's disease.The robber baron was a commander-in-thief.The saying of a former vice-president is know as an AlGorIthm.The scorpion said to the desert, 'You know, our conversations are always so dry.'The second best writing implement in the world is the pen ultimate.The sergeant drank whiskey in order to be fortified in his position.The shaver-making employee wanted a razor else he'd quit.The ship was full, but the sailors weren't playing with a full deck.The short-order crook poached his eggs, shaved his chocolate, welched on his rabbits, and even his pastry was stollen.The size a dieter would like to get to is the sighs of relief.The smartest nut mixtures have some macadamia.The soap-eating cult was swallowing lyes in search of the truth.The soup was so bad it was gruel and unusual punishment.The Spaniard's wife was always up before the Don.The start of a polygraph test is the moment of truth.The stove cleaner was so worried about the front grill that he put everything else on the back burner.The strike at the sugar factory was dissolved after the assets were liquidated.The stylist who did hair for a mortician said that her clients are from the hair after.The sum total of our national debt is some total.The sun was bright on a dry, cloudless morning, but later it waned.The sweep fell down a chimney and was black-listed.The thought of having no alternative to soap never washed with the inventor of shower gel.The top math student's blood type was A+.The truly enlightened have homes with two Karma garages.The two people on the liquor license board called all the double shots.The valuable dog was still missing, believed stolen, however the police announced they have a lead.The waiter was six foot eight, and handled many a tall order.The washrooms in a seafood restaurant were labeled Buoys and Gulls.The White House has many power drills.The window cleaner's boss often did spot checks.The zoo had possession of the zebra, but wanted to get it in black and white.Their guest bed feels like a rock. It creates a lot of hard feelings.Then there was the dictator who wanted to conquer the world, but was delayed while counting the feet of his soldiers. His was a toe-tally tarrying regime.There are so many statistics in baseball that the players are now running around data bases.There was a colorful restaurant called the psycho deli.There was a dentist who was convicted of incisor trading.There was a fireman who kept going back to college and finally got third degree burnout.There was a hiring freeze at the ice-skating rink.There was an orchestra conductor who threw tempo tantrums.They bought a home on a cliff because they liked to live on the edge.They said he drank 2 bottles of whisky a day, but it wasn't true. He had to scotch those rumors right away.They served strip steaks and rice pilaf at the topless bar.They threw a party for the inventor of the toaster. And he was toasted.They took soft drinks off the menu just to sprite people.They used to experiment on dogs called laboratory retrievers.They went all through the warehouse. It was a package tour.They were married by candlelight, but the marriage lasted only a wick.They were the quietest burglars in the history of New York City. The newspapers called them 'Criminal Mimes.'Those building railways have to do a lot of tracking or their project will de-rail.Those simian figure skaters are very good. They make prime eights.Those that fight the IRS think the government is funded by attacks on income.Those that sing for charity have a band aid solution.Those who engineer faucets are cool under pressure.Those who find bargain antiques like to junk for joy.Those who have icicles keep a stiff upper drip.Those who like dark beer are beyond the pale.Those who like sugar in their tea are willing to take their lumps.Those who live near the international date line can easily pass the time.Those who make sinks often feel washed out.Those who plant trees be-leaf in the future.Those who study tornadoes have twistered minds.Those who use scissors on the job have their work cut out for them.Those whose child is going through a 'phase' may wish they had a phaser.Though we're born in the buff, we wear our parents' genes inside out.To draw cartoons for a living requires someone who is very animated.To know avail is to know a scarf.To run an electrical shop, you need a volting ambition to take charge.To teach someone how to build a compass you have to be good at giving directions.To travel a toll road you have to pay a thoroughfare.To win a pavement construction contract your company has to be able to make the grade.Turn in your old farm implements at a resickling center.Twins are born more often on two's-day.Two airline pilots in a stand-up comedy did a takeoff.Two anglers were having a discussion and opened quite a can of worms.Two basketball players fought it out in court with the press.Two brothers collaborated on haunted stories, but one was a ghost writer.Two cheerleaders got married after they met by chants.Two companies that manufactured rulers decided to align.Two electricians were in a race that went down to the wire.Two fur traders once took a golfing trip together. They played a skins match.Two guys discussing the price of gravel finally got down to the nitty gritty.Two rites make a wrong where bigamy is concerned.Two sky divers decided to hang out.Two snakes parted, and one said, 'fangs for the memories'.Undertakers have to get up early in the mourning.Upon discovering her children playing with matches their mother was flaming mad.Using fingers to count is a digit-al calculator.Victims of bad construction in the Orient are 'bamboozled'.Watch out for carpet layers. They may pad their bills.Watches can be displayed and sold on a time table.Water you waiting for? Just jump in.Weddings always have lots of marryment.Western movie actors love to be scene and not herded.What did the minister say to the underdressed layman? "No shoes, no shirt, no service"What did the one fly say to the second? Time to send in the swat team.What did the revolutionary pigeon say at the secret meeting? Coup, coup.What does a villain call his silverware? Weapons of mass digestion.What investors have to lose weight? Stocky brokers.What is a duck's favorite game to play? Billiards.What is the favorite game on Navy ships? Seaman Says.What sort of vegetable can your father make with scissors? Pa snips.When a fisherman takes a container with him, he wants to fillet.When a guillotine executioner is layed off he gets severance.When a letter carrier became a hero they called him a deliverer.When a spy trails a businessman, he has to follow suit.When a tailor was asked how a suit was coming he replied 'sew far sew good'.When accountants are left a loan they become very debticated.When ancient wall sculptors were finished, it was a relief.When asked how the season was going, the baseball coach replied saying that it was in full swing.When buying a battery you should never have to charge it.When Emily made pickles she got herself into a real dil-emma.When fleas disappear they mite be back in a tick.When he bought a used car he was really taken for a ride.When he forgot to itemize what he wanted at the grocery store he felt quite listless.When he got out of jail he drove to an intersection because he wanted a turning point.When he lost his wife's shoe he felt like a heel but knew the sole fault was his.When his clothes dryer broke he was lint another one.When I found out the fellow took time off work to get a sex change operation I realized something was amiss.When I took my family to the zoo, the children were hippo critical.When I walked into the lawyer's office he gave a plaintiff cry.When I went to buy lots of milk and ice cream, I got a fair shake.When Irish boys carry their little brothers, they get a Pat on the back.When it came time to judge, the carpenter was floored by the panel.When it comes to big arm chairs, I have a deep-seated fear.When it comes to making desserts you really take the cake.When it got stuck in the mud my car had to be toad.When it was lumpy he had a beef with his gravy.When making macaroni and cheese I didn't use the colander longer enough, and wife gave me a restraining order.When musicians argue the woodwinds will be clarinet up.When my camera fell in the toffee I was making, I got a very candied picture.When needled for a completion date the seamstress said 'ahem' - she was doing sew-sew and that it only seamed that the darn thing was taking a long time.When negotiating whether to share your french fries, you have quite a few bargaining chips.When potato chips don't sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.When priests have a good idea they are supposed to parish the thought.When some coins fell into the batter it turned out to be a rich cake.When some people open their mouth they put their feat in.When the boy became a farm hand, he grew another foot.When the elevator broke I was very downcast.When the fog burns off it won't be mist.When the four quadrants got together in jail they formed a vicious circle.When the orchard owner went to trial he was judged by a jury of his pears.When the spice ships used to bring goods to the king the captain was peppered with compliments.When the tennis-playing judge got sued, the ball was in his court.When the waiter told me they were out of corn I said, 'That really shucks.'When the window-shade specialist got married, his bride was also a maid of awner.When there are auto accidents in Sudan the vehicles go the Khartoum.When there was a murder backstage at the Grammys they couldn't find DNA but they did find Prince.When they spilled coffee on his neck, he got hot under the collar.When tires are up it's due to inflation.When two trucks carrying soft drinks collided there was a pepsi-dent.When underwear fell in the vat at a beer-makers, a scandal was brewing.When writing about shipwrecks you have to be succinct or you'll be sunk.When writing out drink recipes you have to have a first draft.When you sign up for a fitness class you also need a class action suit.Where would you go to mail a loaf of bread? The Toast Office.Whether you use a keyboard or a knife be careful with your back slash.While delivering 1000 gallons of dark pigment, he almost painted, then blacked out.While the music was playing the geology teacher was rocking around.Whitewater rafting guides get to work by taking rapid transit.Who was the slowest of the ancient Greek philosophers? Aristurtle.Why do all Marxists drink imitation tea? Because all proper tea is theft.Why do people eat pretzels since they are knot food?Wife to husband, "That was an explosive passage of gas, I'd say about 8.0 on the sphincter scale."Witches are good at spell-ing.With an agent for a girl who is a pop singer it is all hit and miss.Women who go fishing have allure.Worried about smog? Politicians aren't breathing easy yet.Yesterday a cow saved my life - it was bovine intervention.Yesterday I slept on a battery -- it was a good power nap.You can only see the stars on a finite.You have to fill out many government forms because there are many forms of government.You really are addicted to soccer, you should think of kicking the habit.You should lock up your wine in a cabernet.You should massage a cow's back before putting it out to posture.You should never go hungry at the beach because of the sandwiches there.You should put on more sun tan lotion in order to save face.You won't often catch loggers or farmers going against the grain.Young animal doctors are vet behind the ears.Young women who are mathematics professors closely watch their figures.Yukon dream of living in the North but it isn't worth Aleutian sleep about it.'Come see my fishpond', she said coyly.'If you breathe heavily on the map, it will reveal topography,' he said, with a sigh of relief.A baker always put too much flour in his bread because he was a gluten for punishment.A baker who was a loaf sneaked into the electrical room but stepped on a current and caused an accident which cost a lot of dough.A baker's job is a piece of cake.A bartender was summoned to court with a subpoena colada.A baseball player can sell himself to a new team if he has a good pitch.A basketball player couldn't control his saliva but he could sure dribble.A beer recipe is a kind of brew-print.A bird watcher had a mynah problem but with no egrets.A bird watcher was recently convicted of storking.A book store and clothing store merged under the name text-aisles.A bowling team was called 'lightning' because they had so many strikes.A boy saving up for a car has a lot of driving ambition.A boy told his parents he wanted to raise goats for a living, but he was only kidding.A boy who instinctively waves at people has a natural hi.A boy who looked like his father the sculptor was a chip off the old block.A bust is made of famous people who were a head of their time.A card shark wanted a tall chair so he could have the upper hand.A carpenter sat on his drill and was bored to tears.A case of disappearing bison had police completely buffaloed.A cat that swallowed a ball of wool had mittens.A cathedral was damaged by weapons of mass destruction.A cloth maker's daughter told him she was too young to dye.A comedian with a PHD is known as a wise-crack.A computer student was told to work harder in school or he wouldn't get an up-grade.A cook made pancakes flippantly.A country which expels the Red Cross would have to view it as a banned aid solution.A cow that is pampered too much will give spoiled milk.A cross between a puppy and a bunny is a rabid dog.A crow in a telephone booth had no money so he had to make a collect caw.A dermatologist's knowledge may only be skin deep.A ditch digger was entrenched in his career.A doctor said he liked to treat Schizophrenia - there was no two ways about it.A dog breeder crossed a setter and a pointer at Christmas time and got a pointsetter.A dry cleaner was indicted with charges pressed for money laundering. A deal is being ironed out.A dying artist painted himself into a coroner.A family went to watch a 007 movie at the theatre. It was a bonding experience.A family with four boys and a history of weak eyes found son-glasses very expensive.A fired magician is dis-illusioned.A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.A fisherman hated fish and chips but he didn't tell a sole.A flat-rate poetry tax would be a perverse form of greed.A flea can fly and a fly can flee -- a dog can bark and so can a tree.A flute teacher is a tutor.A gardener who moved back to his home town rediscovered his roots.A girl and her boyfriend went to a party as a barcode. They were an item.A goat that ate office supplies was on a staple diet.A good band leader is always in tune with what's happening in order to be up-beat.A good carpenter will do his work and then varnish without a trace.A group called the Balloons sings pop music.A guy who built fences had post work depression.A guy who crosses the ocean twice without a shower is a dirty double crosser.A guy who inherited two yachts had a paradox.A guy who made pots for a living fell on hard times and became a pan handler.A guy who used to sell boomerangs is trying for a comeback.A gymnast needs to eat a well balanced diet.A gymnast with unbalanced thinking was floored by an unparalleled accident.A ham walked out of the hospital and said "I'm cured".MathŽshuffle*aQ–N‡–9–0‡–Q‡N‡–NO–O™¼’›prepareResultsŅ––O––O––O––O––O––O––  O––  O––  O––  O–– O––O––O––O›submitResults–– –R›closeWindowbtn:ƒ7http://www.gameswithwords.org/Puntastic/done.html_top– – – @<–– O––O––O––O––O––O–– O––!O––"O–– #O–– $O–– %O–– &O–– 'O––(O––)O––*O––+O––,O––-O––.O––/O––0O––1O––2O––3O––4O––5O––6O––7O––8O––9O–– :O––!;O––"O––%?O––&@O––'AO––(BO––)CO––*DO––+EO––,FO––-GO––.HO––/IO––0JO––1KO––2LO––3MO––4NO––5OO––6PO––7QO––8RO––9SO––:TO––;UO––<VO––=WO––>XO––?YO––@ZO––A[O––B\O––C]O––D^O––E_O––F`O––GaO––HbO––IcO––JdO––KeO––LfO––MgO––NhO––OiO––PjO––QkO––RlO––SmO––TnO––UoO––VpO––WqO––XrO––YsO––ZtO––[uO––\vO––]wO––^xO––_yO––`zO––a{O––b|O––c}O––d~O––eO––f€O––gO––h‚O––iƒO––j„O––k…O––l†O––m‡O––nˆO––o‰O––pŠO––q‹O––rŒO––sO––tŽO––uO––vO––w‘O––x’O––y“O––z”O––{•O––|–O––}—O––~˜O––™O––€šO––›O––‚œO––ƒO––„žO––…ŸO––† O––‡”O––ˆ¢O––‰£O––Š¤O––‹„O––Œ¦O––§O––ŽØO––©O––ŖO––‘«O––’¬O––“­O––”®O––•ÆO–––°O––—±O––˜²O––™³O––š“O––›µO––œ¶O––·O––žøO––Ÿ¹O–– ŗO––”»O––¢¼O––£½O––¤¾O––„æO––¦ĄO––§ĮO––ØĀO––©ĆO––ŖÄO––«ÅO––¬ĘO––­ĒO––®ČO––ÆÉO––°ŹO––±ĖO––²ĢO––³ĶO––“ĪO––µĻO––¶ŠO––·ŃO––øŅO––¹ÓO––ŗŌO––»ÕO––¼ÖO––½×O––¾ŲO––æŁO––ĄŚO––ĮŪO––ĀÜO––ĆŻO––ÄŽO––ÅßO––ĘąO––ĒįO––ČāO––ÉćO––ŹäO––ĖåO––ĢęO––ĶēO––ĪčO––ĻéO––ŠźO––ŃėO––ŅģO––ÓķO––ŌīO––ÕļO––ÖšO––×ńO––ŲņO––ŁóO––ŚōO––ŪõO––ÜöO––Ż÷O––ŽųO––ßłO––ąśO––įūO––āüO––ćżO––äžO––å’O––ę O––ē O––č O––é O––ź O––ė O––ģ O––ķ O––ī O––ļ O––š O––ń O––ņ O––ó O––ō O––õ O––ö O––÷ O––ų O––ł O––ś O––ū O––ü O––ż O––ž O––’ O–– O–– O–– O–– O–– O–– O–– O–– !O–– "O––  #O––  $O––  %O––  &O––  'O–– (O–– )O–– *O–– +O–– ,O–– -O–– .O–– /O–– 0O–– 1O–– 2O–– 3O–– 4O–– 5O–– 6O–– 7O–– 8O–– 9O––  :O––! ;O––" <O––# =O––$ >O––% ?O––& @O––' AO––( BO––) CO––* DO––+ EO––, FO––- GO––. HO––/ IO––0 JO––1 KO––2 LO––3 MO––4 NO––5 OO––6 PO––7 QO––8 RO––9 SO––: TO––; UO––< VO––= WO––> XO––? YO––@ ZO––A [O––B \O––C ]O––D ^O––E _O––F `O––G aO––H bO––I cO––J dO––K eO––L fO––M gO––N hO––O iO––P jO––Q kO––R lO––S mO––T nO––U oO––V pO––W qO––X rO––Y sO––Z tO––[ uO––\ vO––] wO––^ xO––_ yO––` zO––a {O––b |O––c }O––d ~O––e O––f €O––g O––h ‚O––i ƒO––j „O––k …O––l †O––m ‡O––n ˆO––o ‰O––p ŠO––q ‹O––r ŒO––s O––t ŽO––u O––v O––w ‘O––x ’O––y “O––z ”O––{ •O––| –O––} —O––~ ˜O–– ™O––€ šO–– ›O––‚ œO––ƒ O––„ žO––… ŸO––†  O––‡ ”O––ˆ ¢O––‰ £O––Š ¤O––‹ „O––Œ ¦O–– §O––Ž ØO–– ©O–– ŖO––‘ «O––’ ¬O––“ ­O––” ®O––• ÆO––– °O––— ±O––˜ ²O––™ ³O––š “O––› µO––œ ¶O–– ·O––ž øO––Ÿ ¹O––  ŗO––” »O––¢ ¼O––£ ½O––¤ ¾O––„ æO––¦ ĄO––§ ĮO––Ø ĀO––© ĆO––Ŗ ÄO––« ÅO––¬ ĘO––­ ĒO––® ČO––Æ ÉO––° ŹO––± ĖO––² ĢO––³ ĶO––“ ĪO––µ ĻO––¶ ŠO––· ŃO––ø ŅO––¹ ÓO––ŗ ŌO––» ÕO––¼ ÖO––½ ×O––¾ ŲO––æ ŁO––Ą ŚO––Į ŪO––Ā ÜO––Ć ŻO––Ä ŽO––Å ßO––Ę ąO––Ē įO––Č āO––É ćO––Ź äO––Ė åO––Ģ ęO––Ķ ēO––Ī čO––Ļ éO––Š źO––Ń ėO––Ņ ģO––Ó ķO––Ō īO––Õ ļO––Ö šO––× ńO––Ų ņO––Ł óO––Ś ōO––Ū õO––Ü öO––Ż ÷O––Ž ųO––ß łO––ą śO––į ūO––ā üO––ć żO––ä žO––å ’O––ę O––ē O––č O––é O––ź O––ė O––ģ O––ķ O––ī O––ļ O––š O––ń O––ņ O––ó O––ō O––õ O––ö O––÷ O––ų O––ł O––ś O––ū O––ü O––ż O––ž O––’ O–– O–– O–– O–– O–– O–– O–– O–– !O–– "O––  #O––  $O––  %O––  &O––  'O–– (O–– )O–– *O–– +O–– ,O–– -O–– .O–– /O–– 0O–– 1O–– 2O–– 3O–– 4O–– 5O–– 6O–– 7O–– 8O–– 9O––  :O––! ;O––" <O––# =O––$ >O––% ?O––& @O––' AO––( BO––) CO––* DO––+ EO––, FO––- GO––. HO––/ IO––0 JO––1 KO––2 LO––3 MO––4 NO––5 OO––6 PO––7 QO––8 RO––9 SO––: TO––; UO––< VO––= WO––> XO––? YO––@ ZO––A [O––B \O––C ]O––D ^O––E _O––F `O––G aO––H bO––I cO––J dO––K eO––L fO––M gO––N hO––O iO––P jO––Q kO––R lO––S mO––T nO––U oO––V pO––W qO––X rO––Y sO––Z tO––[ uO––\ vO––] wO––^ xO––_ yO––` zO––a {O––b |O––c }O––d ~O––e O––f €O––g O––h ‚O––i ƒO––j „O––k …O––l †O––m ‡O––n ˆO––o ‰O––p ŠO––q ‹O––r ŒO––s O––t ŽO––u O––v O––w ‘O––x ’O––y “O––z ”O––{ •O––| –O––} —O––~ ˜O–– ™O––€ šO–– ›O––‚ œO––ƒ O––„ žO––… ŸO––†  O––‡ ”O––ˆ ¢O––‰ £O––Š ¤O––‹ „O––Œ ¦O–– §O––Ž ØO–– ©O–– ŖO––‘ «O––’ ¬O––“ ­O––” ®O––• ÆO––– °O––— ±O––˜ ²O––™ ³O––š “O––› µO––œ ¶O–– ·O––ž øO––Ÿ ¹O––  ŗO––” »O––¢ ¼O––£ ½O––¤ ¾O––„ æO––¦ ĄO––§ ĮO––Ø ĀO––© ĆO––Ŗ ÄO––« ÅO––¬ ĘO––­ ĒO––® ČO––Æ ÉO––° ŹO––± ĖO––² ĢO––³ ĶO––“ ĪO––µ ĻO––¶ ŠO––· ŃO––ø ŅO––¹ ÓO––ŗ ŌO––» ÕO––¼ ÖO––½ ×O––¾ ŲO––æ ŁO––Ą ŚO––Į ŪO––Ā ÜO––Ć ŻO––Ä ŽO––Å ßO––Ę ąO––Ē įO––Č āO––É ćO––Ź äO––Ė åO––Ģ ęO––Ķ ēO––Ī čO––Ļ éO––Š źO––Ń ėO––Ņ ģO––Ó ķO––Ō īO––Õ ļO––Ö šO––× ńO––Ų ņO––Ł óO––Ś ōO––Ū õO––Ü öO––Ż ÷O––Ž ųO––ß łO––ą śO––į ūO––ā üO––ć żO––ä žO––å ’O––ę O––ē O––č O––é O––ź O––ė O––ģ O––ķ O––ī O––ļ O––š O––ń O––ņ O––ó O––ō O––õ O––ö O––÷ O––ų O––ł O––ś O––ū O––ü O––ż O––ž O––’ O–– O–– O–– O–– O–– O–– O–– O–– !O–– "O––  #O––  $O––  %O––  &O––  'O–– (O–– )O–– *O–– +O–– ,O–– -O–– .O–– /O–– 0O–– 1O–– 2O–– 3O–– 4O–– 5O–– 6O–– 7O–– 8O–– 9O––  :O––! ;O––" <O––# =O––$ >O––% ?O––& @O––' AO––( BO––) CO––* DO––+ EO––, FO––- GO––. HO––/ IO––0 JO––1 KO––2 LO––3 MO––4 NO––5 OO––6 PO––7 QO––8 RO––9 SO––: TO––; UO––< VO––= WO––> XO––? YO––@ ZO––A [O––B \O––C ]O––D ^O––E _O––F `O––G aO––H bO––I cO––J dO––K eO––L fO––M gO––N hO––O iO––P jO––Q kO––R lO––S mO––T nO––U oO––V pO––W qO––X rO––Y sO––Z tO––[ uO––\ vO––] wO––^ xO––_ yO––` zO––a {O––b |O––c }O––d ~O––e O––f €O––g O––h ‚O––i ƒO––j „O––k …O––l †O––m ‡O––n ˆO––o ‰O––p ŠO––q ‹O––r ŒO––s O––t ŽO––u O––v O––w ‘O––x ’O––y “O––z ”O––{ •O––| –O––} —O––~ ˜O–– ™O––€ šO–– ›O––‚ œO––ƒ O––„ žO––… ŸO––†  O––‡ ”O––ˆ ¢O––‰ £O––Š ¤O––‹ „O––Œ ¦O–– §O––Ž ØO–– ©O–– ŖO––‘ «O––’ ¬O––“ ­O––” ®O––• ÆO––– °O––— ±O––˜ ²O––™ ³O––š “O––› µO––œ ¶O–– ·O––ž øO––Ÿ ¹O––  ŗO––” »O––¢ ¼O––£ ½O––¤ ¾O––„ æO––¦ ĄO––§ ĮO––Ø ĀO––© ĆO––Ŗ ÄO––« ÅO––¬ ĘO––­ ĒO––® ČO––Æ ÉO––° ŹO––± ĖO––² ĢO––³ ĶO––“ ĪO––µ ĻO––¶ ŠO––· ŃO––ø ŅO––¹ ÓO––ŗ ŌO––» ÕO––¼ ÖO––½ ×O––¾ ŲO––æ ŁO––Ą ŚO––Į ŪO––Ā ÜO––Ć ŻO––Ä ŽO––Å ßO––Ę ąO––Ē įO––Č āO––É ćO––Ź äO––Ė åO––Ģ ęO––Ķ ēO––Ī čO––Ļ éO––Š źO––Ń ėO––Ņ ģO––Ó ķO––2ŌA hay farmer in jail could get out on bale.O––DÕA heavy drinker of hard liquor appears to be in high spirits.O––CÖA hermit drove to town and was charged with recluse driving.O––:×A high scoring football game can be very offensive.O––IŲA husband and wife argued over the weather, but it soon blew over.O––JŁA jewelry store wanting to market necklaces started a chain letter.O––6ŚA karate school restaurant served mainly chops.O––CŪA kitten born in the 10th month of the year is an Octo-puss.O––-ÜA knight put his amour round his lady.O––PŻA lady woke up not very hungry after having a roll and a turnover in bed.O––9ŽA lawyer asked his dentist to give him a retainer.O––jßA lawyer held a huge briefcase in his hand during the entire trial, but finally he rested his case.O––7ąA leak in the back of a boat is a stern warning.O––QįA library should have several floors because it is a multi story building.O––JāA little boy called him Santa Cause because he said there was Noel.O––RćA little boy fired his light-colored crayons because they wouldn't show up.O––-äA lot of dieting is wishful shrinking.O––FåA lot of shady characters are waiting for their day in the sun.O––XęA lot of trees were dying, but they needed to figure out the root of the problem.O––AēA lovely lady who lost her watch became a timeless beauty.O––*čA lupine dancer is a steppin' wolf.O––héA man changed a light bulb in the Empire state building and that was the highlight of his career.O––AźA man who kept stealing mopeds was obviously a cycle-path.O––9ėA man's home is his castle in a manor of speaking.O––LģA manufacturer that made lamps gave their employees a light workload.O––wķA mathematician who was also a horticulturist was interested in prime roots, square roots, and trees in general.O––EīA motorcycle rider with bad teeth is the leader of the plaque.O––'ļA museum is a thing of the past.O––YšA music company put pianos outside for a sale but protected their internal organs.O––DńA new batter joined the baseball team, and he was a real hit.O––4ņA new country decided to conduct a flag poll.O––HóA not-very-good art teacher was good only at drawing blank faces.O––OōA nun was kicked out of the order for inappropriate attire: sheer habit.O––;õA one-armed clock maker wished he had a second hand.O––0öA parade of horses went down Mane street.O––'÷A party for shy people is abash.O––5ųA pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.O––7łA pharmacist and a patient had a pill owe fight.O––TśA pharmacist gave the wrong prescription, which was a bitter pill to swallow.O––UūA photographer named Jill lacked focus so they shutter out of a job in a snap.O––VüA plumber struggled to replace a tight washer because he didn't want to faucet.O––:żA police dog is often the scenter of a drug arrest.O––LžA politician who had been an astronomer was always saying 'no comet'.O––E’A portrayal of dictators on film required a tsar-studded cast.O––EA promoted electrician felt a surge as a result of the switch.O––7A psychiatrist on a hike fell into a depression.O––>A racer who was also a golfer really knew how to drive.O––JA real leader faces the music, even when she doesn't like the tune.O––\A reformed arsonist was in confession. He began, "Bless me Father for I have singed."O––7A restaurant had its two dishwashers sinkopated.O––;A restaurant owner gave his cooks a stirring speech.O––<A roofer got arrested recently. He flashed a chimney.O––9A sailor has ties to home but is knot there often.O––5 A sailor who met a widow was soon second mate.O––E A sheep dog puppy who likes cantaloupe is a melon collie baby.O––T A sheep owner who sold his flock for too little was told: 'ewe were fleeced.'O––5 A skier retired because he was going downhill.O––9 A skunk fell in the river and stank to the bottom.O––GA sky diving photographer was arrested for in-descent exposures.O––,A sleeping steer is also a bulldozer.O––1A small pirate ship is called a thug-boat.O––DA soldier who stuffed himself with ice cream was a desserter.O––UA spacecraft took pictures of Mars and Saturn and got the best of both worlds.O––[A spelunker held out on revealing the treasure's location until he finally caved in.O––2A sports match was attended by many scores.O––SA spy who often worked from his basement bed was underground and undercover.O––sA start-up company making rubber bands had to stretch their budget but they managed to hold things together.O––iA stewed chef sat pie-eyed as the crusty judge took his caraway, a punish mint a long thyme cumin.O––ZA streaker was found dead this morning. Police say the details are quite revealing.O––IA student drove himself so hard that he missed the learning curve.O––6A student limped into class with a lame excuse.O––0A tangled bell ringer tolled himself off.O––JA teacher having a tough time longs for the end of the school daze.O––IA teacher used his index finger to ask a lot of pointed questions.O––MA telephone repair man who was widely traveled went from pole to pole.O––UA thermometer making company manager was a hot head who sometimes boiled over.O––[ A thief who stole cutlery without leaving a clue was called the 'stainless stealer.'O––M!A train load of paint derailed. Nearby businesses were put in the red.O––R"A true friend thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked.O––G#A wig van blew up on the motorway - police are combing the area.O––"$A will is a relative thing.O––B%A woman was in love with twenty soldiers. It was platoonic.O––G&A woman who became queen considered it her crowning achievement.O––M'A young girl in charge of her tribe would be called little miss-chief.O––C(A zoo had too many panda bears, so they built a pandemonium.O––/)African carnivores mainly eat fast food.O––<*After being treated by an optometrist, the bird seed.O––w+After getting his master's degree - Bob got a job as a postman - reconciling that he was still a man of letters.O––o,After Gus gave his girlfriend a 3 dollar box of chocolates for her birthday he got nothing but snickers.O––J-After he invented the light bulb, people saw Edison in a new light.O––?.After he swallowed a whip, he got a real tongue-lashing.O––?/After Lorne left his girlfriend she was looking forlorn.O––o0After my friend entered a local Biggest Loser contest he informed me that I would be seeing less of him.O––`1After punching his computer and breaking his hand, the guy required tech knuckle support.O––P2After selling a shipment of salt the salesman said 'let's shake on that.'O––J3After the horse ate all of his hay he had a baleful look about him.O––C4After the test drive, the car salesman drove home his point.O––G5After they had it out in the boxing ring, they called it square.O––76Airline pilots make many friends in high places.O––I7Allergy sufferers are itching to get through the hay fever season.O––/8Amenities - the Greek goddess of luxury.O––9An acquaintance of mine let me try his mixture of basil, olive oil, garlic, and ground pine nuts. We immediately became pesto friends.O––N:An ailing hamster revived after receiving mouse to mouse resuscitation.O––L;An ambassador is the one who lies abroad for the good of the country.O––N<An amusement park had a ride break down, and had to hire a spin doctor.O––n=An ancient Greek shoemaker ran home when there was an earthquake only to discover he had fallen arches.O––I>An angry bird landed on a door knob, and then flew off the handle.O––0?An angry sprinter has to make a mad dash.O––E@An aquatic animal escaped from the zoo. It's name was Lucille.O––AAAn argument over puppy selection is a pique of the litter.O––>BAn astronaut gets to take a turn as a whirled traveler.O––OCAn astronaut wrote about flying twice to the moon. It was double spaced.O––?DAn author who wrote from his basement had a best cellar.O––8EAn eagle and a hawk had a difference of a pinion.O––DFAn egotist is someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.O––GGAn electric company is always looking for high energy employees.O––5HAn elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.O––3IAn emotional cook is all astir and mixed up.O––JAn English teacher, who was dreadfully afraid of insects, while on a picnic screamed like a little girl when he saw there was an antonym.O––9KAn experienced waiter can give a lot of good tips.O––LLAn explosion at the meat packing plant caused quite a meatier shower.O––.MAn insulting telegram is a barbed wire.O––ŅNAn old lady once asked the dispatcher of a local trucking company if they could ship an antique mirror to her sister in Toronto. The dispatcher says, 'I don't know madam, I'd have to look into it first'.O––WOAn online poker tournament ended suddenly when the computer cached in its chips.O––‰PAn orchestra was going to broadcast some jazz live onto the net from a small room but discovered it didn't have enough band width.O––QAn orthodontist was found dead, killed with a hatchet. However, no one was arrested as the death was declared axe-idental.O––QRAncient scribes who hired Aztec writers had to make sure the Inca was dry.O––ESAnd then there was the roofer who came down with the shingles.O––#TAngry dogs are cross-breeds.O––CUAnimals that tunnel in the soil have to have an escape root.O––[VAny golfer will tell you the gospel truth. Your next shot always depends on the lie.O––lWAnyone should know how to put a saddle on a horse so it won't slip and cause an injury. It's a cinch.O––:XApplying mascara in a car can cause whipped lashes.O––?YArchaeologists working at night need lots of eon lights.O––(ZAre twin brothers called sunsets?O––3[Are you willing Tibet I've never seen a yak?O––>\Artists are colorful people who draw on their emotions.O––5]Artists have to get into a good Frame of mind.O––5^As a surgeon he was famous for his short cuts.O––k_As his little ships sailed on, Christopher Columbus didn't tell his crew he felt constantly on edge.O––D`As soon as the airplane was invented, things were looking up.O––@aAspiring physicians go to college and get indoctorinated.O––<bAstronomers often have their own private view-points.O––_cAt a furniture makers convention there's a lot of round-table and table-top discussions.O––ŠdAt a job interview, I decided to lie and say I had experience as an illusionist and as a window cleaner. They saw right through me.O––%eAt a music store: 'hear here'.O––QfAt first the paratroops didn't obey orders, but finally they fell in line.O––XgAt seven foot six he was a great basketball player and everyone looked up to him.O––>hAt shoe stores they believe there's dignity in de feet.O––1iAuthors in jail have their prose and cons.O––?jAuthors' lives are punctuated with good writing periods.O––@kAutobiography of a newspaper editor: My Times in the Sun.O––DlBakeries find out how the business is doing with a pie chart.O––/mBakers have a great knead to make bread.O––UnBankers might have their own interest at heart when discussing alone with you.O––GoBaseball players are expected to perform well right off the bat.O––PpBaseball players have to stay in line or they will be afoul of the rules.O––CqBasketball players are always bouncing ideas off each other.O––IrBeach owners would like surfers to sign waivers containing riders.O––.sBees make money by celling their honey.O––GtBefore a mother knows the sex of her baby it's a hidden agender.O––:uBefore a plumber retired, he took the final plunge.O––nvBefore an airline changes a process they have to have a pilot project to find out if the idea will fly.O––4wBeginning gardeners work by trowel and error.O––VxBenjamin Franklin flew a kite in a storm hoping no one would steal his thunder.O––1yBig cities make haze while the sun shines.O––6zBig spenders have a whole lot of purse-onality.O––O{Bird-dogs are great for music because they're both woofers and tweeters.O––I|Birds are grouchy in the morning because their bills are over dew.O––N}Birds don't mind fowl weather. In fact they usually find it just ducky.O––C~Blacksmiths used to forge strong links with their customers.O––'Blind people often work on-site.O––L€Breeders for lab science animals are definitely part of the rat race.O––7Bringing a baby into the world is labor of love.O––>‚Building a cul-de-sac would be a bit of a dead-end job.O––>ƒBuilding high walls on your property may cause a fence.O––;„Businesses selling pleasure boats often have a sail.O––E…By the time the final horse got his hay it was the last straw.O––>†Cabbage should be eaten raw. In fact that's Cole's Law.O–– ‡Canyons can be gorge-ous.O––AˆCard sharks like to swim around at the bottom of the deck.O––4‰Cats are often the victims of fur-ball abuse.O––4ŠCheckers was invented starting at square one.O––4‹Children who use bad language are precursors.O––2ŒChurch disputes can be settled with canons.O––0Circular arguments often make the rounds.O––+ŽCoaches usually have a goal in mind.O––JCoffee has bean the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion.O––HCollege bred is a four-year loaf made out of the old man's dough.O––2‘College slogan: 'Draft beer, not students'.O––@’Companies that don't ship enough coal will be undermined.O––2“Con-census: counting the prison population.O––?”Continually discovering new viruses can become a strain.O––%•Convicts are committed people.O––0–Cooks have a lot of spice in their lives.O––Q—Correspondence citing farm machinery defects would be a Deere John letter.O––6˜Crazy people are always taking the psycho path.O––?™Creative weather forecasters do a lot of brain storming.O––)šCyclists have lots of wheel-power.O––+›Dead languages have to be encrypted.O––5œDentists don't like a hard day at the orifice.O––6Dentists practice by going through many drills.O––<žDiabetics should not be allowed to have sweet dreams.O––OŸDid you hear about the compulsive fisherman? He was really hooked on it.O––^ Did you hear about the crab in financial difficulty? It was starting to feel the pinch.O––_”Did you hear about the guy who planted bullets? He wanted to see a lot of little shoots.O––B¢Did you hear about the tire dealer that had a blowout sale?O––s£Did you hear about the vampire who used to torture his victims with music? His Bach was worse than his bite.O––<¤Did you hear about the very old lady named Anne Teak?O––z„Did you hear the one about the tall wizard who complained he couldn't cast any spells because he was short staffed?O––5¦Digging a hole for a coffin is a grave matter.O––@§Do people who live near a beach have sandy and wavy hair?O––)ØDo you ever get tired of sleeping?O––C©Does a coffee shop have the grounds to operate in the black?O––JŖDon't believe what you hear about fleas and ticks -- it's all lice.O––D«Don't expect a bonsai tree to grow the miniature planting it.O––Y¬Don't get lost in the mist or else you won't have the foggiest idea where you are.O––G­Don't kiss birds or you may get an untweetable canarial disease.O––G®Don't swear at your hairpiece or you will have the devil toupee.O––gÆDon't worry if your favorite dinner becomes unfashionable - at least you'd have one square meal.O––2°Donating items to sit on is called charity.O––<±Dorothy's medical instructor was the Wizard of Gauze.O––(²Drinking too much is an ale-ment.O––/³Dry cleaners are often pressed for time.O––3“Ducks have quack-ups, but geese always honk.O––JµEating too many snacks when studying for a test is called cramming.O––¶Eiffel in love in Paris.O––>·Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.O––2øEncyclopedias are loud. They speak volumes.O––n¹Eugene O'Neil once wrote a play about a visit from an optometrist. He called it, 'The Eyes Man Cometh.'O––]ŗEven though the well was a mystery to her, she didn't want to get to the bottom of it.O––a»Ever since Molly moved to Montana she wanted a shiny new kitchen with chrome on the range.O––K¼Every oven in the restaurant was broken. The patrons got a raw deal.O––D½Every so often railroad conductors have to go for retraining.O––e¾Everyone agreed that the actor, who had played a hostage, had given a captivating performance.O––5æExecution with a noose causes a real hangover.O––CĄFashion is something that goes in one era and out the other.O––YĮFather and son love sunflower seeds, and the son is the spitting image of his dad.O––0ĀFigure skaters don't like to be in a rut.O––DĆFirefighters have to take the heat when something goes wrong.O––uÄFirst-time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.O––EÅFishermen don't tell lies - they just get their lines tangled.O––KĘFishers don't have much of a social safety net besides a river bank.O––JĒFor a fencer to admit that he's been foiled is a hard thing touche.O––]ČFor every jailor who makes a guarded comment there's a prisoner who lets words escape.O––HÉFor health-conscious individuals, eating prunes is the way to go.O––7ŹFor some singing groups an encore is re-choired.O––PĖFor the woman who wore size 13, finding shoes that fit was no small feat.O––(ĢForbidden fruit causes many jams.O––QĶFrench gendarmes don't use yellow crime scene tape but prefer cordon bleu.O––6ĪFrequent beer drinkers are often at Lagerheads.O––1ĻGardeners like to plant their feet firmly.O––CŠGas companies cannot fuel all of the people all of the time.O––5ŃGeologists can be sedimental about their work.O––6ŅGeorge Westinghouse was a refrigerator magnate.O––JÓGetting into the skunk-selling business might make a lot of scents.O––0ŌGiving praise is when you let off esteem.O––zÕGladys the seamstress was recently inducted into the Pin Pushers Hall of Fame. I guess now she is a status thimble.O––5ÖGoing to the dentist can be very full filling.O––8×Golfers hate cake because they might get a slice.O––DŲGood gardeners take care of their plants - weed 'em and reap.O––5ŁGossip travels faster over the sour grapevine.O––0ŚHave you ever heard of an honest cheetah?O––bŪHave you heard about the sheep who worked in a fish and chip shop? One was a battering ram.O––^ÜHave you heard the joke about the airplane? No. Well, it was way over your head anyway.O––4ŻHaving children is a heir raising experience.O––XŽHaving too many axe-like tools to do a particular job only adze to the confusion.O––NßHe always ate hot dogs with relish and gave his condiments to the chef.O––=ąHe and his partner made knives, and they shared a cut.O––VįHe applied for a job to sell footwear because he figured it would be a shoe-in.O––QāHe asked me if I could swim under water. I said, "Don't hold your breath."O––EćHe became a boxer because he thought he had a fighting chance.O––-äHe became a sky diver out of the blue.O––AåHe became a vegetarian because he couldn't make ends meat.O––VęHe bought lots of pens before starting his new job. He wanted to make his mark.O––VēHe brought salt and pepper to the box office because he wanted a season ticket.O––HčHe collects mouthwash bottles, and they're all in mint condition.O––déHe could play baseball, football, basketball, soccer and tennis. He was a jock of all trades.O––IźHe could speak so many dialects that he had to watch his language.O––bėHe couldn't decide whether to accept a job in mattress sales, so he decided to sleep on it.O––PģHe couldn't remember the pill's name but it was on the tip of his tongue.O––DķHe couldn't sell his pirate ship because it was unassailable.O––BīHe cussed in his sleep all night and woke up all swore out.O––KļHe didn't want to get a shot because it would be a pain in the butt.O––JšHe didn't want to volunteer for the rodeo but he got roped into it.O––DńHe died leaving 100 clocks. His son is winding up the estate.O––QņHe drank so much at 16 years old that they called him a juvenile deliquid.O––4óHe drove his car until the day of wreckoning.O––IōHe folded and straightened the money because he wanted a tidy sum.O––DõHe got a job in a factory making needles, but soon got stuck.O––AöHe got a job in the horse stables and was given free rein.O––G÷He got fired at the coffee shop for coming to work in a T-shirt.O––:ųHe got measles in jail when he broke out one night.O––QłHe had a crooked nose and mouth, but he could always keep a straight face.O––QśHe has a big vinyl record collection but has barely scratched the surface.O––CūHe lost the worm from his hook and went on fishing unabated.O––@üHe made a movie of his haircut. It was a short film clip.O––MżHe marketed his hula-hoop internationally because it was whirled wide.O––KžHe put an orange in his boxing glove so he could have a fruit punch.O––P’He put so many blanks in his document that he started to feel spaced out.O––GHe recited verse from the bench because he was a poetic justice.O––LHe recommended the restaurant to me, and said he had no reservations.O––GHe shined a police officer's shoes and had a brush with the law.O––OHe stared at his belly button so much, he was promoted to navel officer.O––?He stomped on his old watch because he had time to kill.O––DHe threw butter out the window in order to see the butterfly.O––RHe told a story about his eight-foot-three grandfather. It was a tall tale.O––SHe took his pistol to some photographs because he wanted to take snap shots.O––5He tried to get her to marry him to no a-veil.O––[ He wanted desperately to be a good golfer - you could say he had a driving ambition.O––N He wanted her to stop singing. 'Refrain?' she said, 'of chorus I will'.O––Q He wanted to build a rope factory, but first he had to pull a few strings.O––S He was a criminal with crooked thoughts and found it hard to think straight.O––I He was a janitor in the restaurant. He did things under the table.O––3He was a restaurant critic but had no taste.O––`He was almost persuaded to invest in a poultry farm but chickened out at the last minute.O––[He was charged with breaking and entering through a window in an open-and-shut case.O––DHe was going to step into a bucket of ice, but got cold feet.O––AHe was hired at age 70. They put him in a senior position.O––5He was so pickled that he was hard of herring.O––XHe was studying chemistry in college but by third year he was out of his element.O––\He was to carry two flags in the parade, but decided that would be a double standard.O––AHe wasn't supposed to eat the pie but he kept pecan at it.O––?He went on a cheese diet in order to cheddar few pounds.O––"He who hesitates is bossed.O––;He who talks with his mouth full is speaking ingest.O––>He's a good letter carrier. He always keeps you posted.O––gHe's too lazy to draw water when the electricity is out. You could call it a lack of well power.O––6Heavy drinkers put the quart before the hearse.O––,Henry perfected the Ford down to a T.O––GHer ability to always find fresh vegetables on sale was uncanny.O––:Herb gardeners who work extra get thyme and a half.O––‹ Here at my estate on Monteverdi I attempted a Liszt of classical composers but had to go Bach because I couldn't get a Handel on it.O––V!High jumpers should do well at the Olympics because it's always on a leap year.O––r"Highways today are much better than they were many years ago and there are lots of concrete examples of it.O––D#His business plan to manufacture scissors just didn't cut it.O––G$His day job was astronomy but at night time he was moonlighting.O––8%His decision to become a pilot was up in the air.O––I&His horse is missing a bit. I got it right from the horse's mouth.O––@'His job was to find a leopard as an on-the-spot reporter.O––L(His new job replacing windshields wasn't all it was cracked up to be.O––?)His penmanship is certainly nothing to write home about.O––:*His qualifications as a math teacher didn't add up.O––U+His resume said that he was fast at 100 meters and he had a good track record.O––V,His wife and daughter walked into prison to visit him with a cake, single file.O––e-His wife asked him to remove a picture from over the fireplace. It was an off-the-wall remark.O––X.History's earliest scam was perpetrated by a Neanderthal, the first con-cave man.O––Y/Hockey players are terrible chess players because they are always getting checked.O––@0Hog farmers are the ones who really bring home the bacon.O––.1Hotel owners usually have suite dreams.O––!2How Long is a Chinese man.O––#3Hunters don't pass the buck.O––K4I asked somebody a question about pi, their answer was never ending!O––.5I can't really see myself without eyes.O––W6I can't recall the last time I did any running, but I've been jogging my memory.O––X7I couldn't decide whether or not to make spiced apple cider, so I mulled it over.O––48I czeched on the prague-ress of my geography.O––W9I don't like hanging out at the pancake house -- that place gives me the crepes!O––U:I found out that at the gym, their opinion on fitness carries a lot of weight.O––;I got a great bargain the other day when I bought a forklift for half-price. It's amazing what you can pick up these days.O––><I had such a bad cold, I thought I was coffin to death.O––L=I hate running in lane eight. It makes me feel like such an outsider.O––M>I have to give a speech on being a vegetarian and omnivorous about it.O––S?I hired a ghost photographer. The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.O––\@I knew that the spirit couldn't float around very long. What ghost up must come down.O––/AI love to eat eggs at the crack of dawn.O––UBI met a math professor who has 12 children - she really knows how to multiply.O––cCI met some cult members who worshiped soup serving utensils. I said, 'Oh ye of ladle faith.'O––;DI need to do my philosophy homework but I just Kant.O––gEI never have understood how you're supposed to hit anything with a bat.....it keeps flying away.O––QFI noticed the article about peripheral vision out of the corner of my eye.O––aGI once knew a woman who turned into a deer when the moon was full. She was a real weredoe.O––SHI ordered whole wheat toast but it tasted funny. I think something was awry.O––+II pursed my lips to 'coin a phrase'.O––IJI stole someone else's idea for a stage drama. Am I a playgiarist?O––]KI thought I was investing in sea-going vessels when I bought those Chinese junk bonds.O––{LI thought I'd try out to be a jockey but there was just too much horsing around and I realized I wasn't in the race.O––TMI told the artist that his painting was terrible. I think he got the picture.O––KNI tried to pack myself in a suitcase. I could hardly contain myself.O––EOI wanted to be a sonar technician, but it was out of my depth.O––fPI wanted to have dinner at a Native American-themed restaurant, but I didn't have reservations.O––cQI wanted to make something for breakfast, and toast was the first thing to pop into my head.O––TRI was enamored with the famous Paris art museum. It was Louvre at first site.O––HSI was fixated on the pain in my bad tooth. I was abscessed by it.O––TI was going to go sailing and went shopping for a hat but started to reconsider when they gave me a stern look and asked for my capsize.O––UUI was heading to Hooters but my wife said 'Don't bother, they have gone bust'.O––EVI watched a movie about a baby hen. It was a real chick flick.O––PWI went to buy some property with a hill on it, but it was a little steep.O––SXI went to the tropics and found out that bananas are grown by a great bunch.O––7YI will cut the grass only when I get mowtivated.O––`ZI'll never forget that rainstorm near Los Angeles and how the rain came down in Torrance.O––E[I'm buying a birthday present for a sculptor. Can you chip in?O––_\I'm going to the guillotine at dawn, and my wife has already collected my severance pay.O––K]I'm very picky about my hair, so a strange barber just won't cut it.O––M^If a dog was computer-literate, would his bark be worse than his byte?O––^_If a horse could predict the weather, it would probably say that the weather is stable.O––J`If a lawyer speaks for too long there will be an extended sentence.O––<aIf a monk throws a hissy fit, is it a temple tantrum?O––4bIf a pig loses it's voice, is it disgruntled?O––WcIf a VIP is asked to take a back seat at the special event, he may take affront.O––7dIf at first you don't succeed, try the outfield.O––SeIf every car in the country were white, you would live in a white carnation.O––MfIf the Japanese army took over the government it would be a high coup.O––KgIf the mint makes 25 cent pieces it should expect quarterly profits.O––;hIf there's ever no one around to tell, tell-a-phone.O––ciIf they ever have a contest for the best looking mannequin, there will be stiff competition.O––OjIf they say you look good in glasses, that would be an optical allusion.O––ZkIf word-processing a presentation about guns -- be sure to know how to use bullets.O––?lIf you air on the side of caution, divers will tank you.O––OmIf you buy the same sound system as everyone else you are a stereo-type.O––>nIf you can't understand muses, go to a muse meant park.O––IoIf you crash into a Volkswagen Golf, does that make a hole in one?O––LpIf you do research in optics, you will have to do some light reading.O––bqIf you don't fix the plumbing for your shower properly, you could be in a lot of hot water.O––UrIf you don't know how to choose music ask a guitarist - they know how to pick.O––<sIf you drive a train, you can't afford to lose track.O––;tIf you have sticky buns, you shouldn't put pants on.O––KuIf you have to pay to go to the river, we'd better stop at the bank.O––WvIf you pay 25 cents to watch a bad football game, don't expect your quarterback.O––:wIf you ride a bus you, have to pay your fare share.O––ExIf you Russia round and Ukraine your neck, don't Crimea river.O––OyIf you saw a bear foot in the woods, it would give you paws for concern.O––LzIf you send a letter to the Philippines, put it in a Manila envelope.O––1{If you sight a whale, it could be a fluke.O––J|If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory.O––I}If you take alphabet soup on vacation, pack it in your upper case.O––J~If you tell a falsehood just after waking up, you are lying in bed.O––GIf you try a jigsaw puzzle that is too hard, don't go to pieces.O––F€If you walk along a railroad track, you may soon feel run down.O––GIf you want to revisit the past, make sure you get back in time.O––-‚If you wish to be big, don't belittle.O––GƒIf you're a gardener, you might call yourself a 'plant manager'.O––=„If your clothes get wrinkled, it could be de-pressing.O––[…If your dad's sisters are construction workers, you might call them carpenter aunts.O––Q†If your mind is clouded or in a fog, you may have mist some opportunities.O––A‡In a baseball season, a pitcher is worth a thousand blurs.O––IˆIn certain sexual harassment cases, things can get kind of touchy.O––9‰In Ireland you're more likely to get a Pat answer.O––)ŠIn jail, convicts use cell phones.O––I‹In Middle East outdoor markets you can find bazaar items for sale.O––KŒIn some countries steaks are rare but if you can find one well done!O––8In some countries there is a lot of Manuel labor.O––NŽIn the air duct installers union they have lots of opportunity to vent.O––:In the army mess hall, the men were getting fed up.O––QIn the delivery room, the unborn infant expected to be given a wide berth.O––[‘In the old days yelling at your neighbor across the street was a long distance call.O––A’In the race for the best grass, he smoked the competition.O––;“Inflammatory talk is often seen as propane language.O––0”Insurance adjustors are always at a loss.O––>•Iris was a private eye who was often in the public eye.O––4–Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.O––"—Is coffee your daily grind?O––0˜Is it true that exits are on the way out?O––9™Is military intelligence a contradiction in terms?O––GšIs the water on your farm healthy? Yes, we only have well water.O––5›Is there a best month of spring? There May be.O––9œIt was a lucky car. Until he had to push his luck.O––UIt was so hot the other day that even the mosquitoes were dropping like flies.O––EžIt was such a big piece of gold, he didn't know what to assay.O––<ŸIt's amazing how stores take Valentines day to heart.O––q It's evergreen and related to the pine but has no cones - perhaps yew can tell me what conifer tree it is.O––@”It's hard for a depressed turtle to get out of his shell.O––2¢It's just like a cowboy to stirrup trouble.O––?£It's nice to visit a ranch because of the horsepitality.O––O¤It's OK to watch an elephant bathe as they usually have their trunks on.O––E„It's quiet in a bowling alley because you can hear a pin drop.O––I¦It's tough to be in the computer business when the chips are down.O––V§Jack sold a cow for some beans, came home to his mother, and spilled the beans.O––BØKing Arthur really knew how to deal with the sworded truth.O––D©Kings sometimes found that uprisings were a peasant surprise.O––1ŖLate night truckers burn the midnight oil.O––S«Lawyers have to like alcohol because they're always being called to the bar.O––¬Lawyers wear law suits.O––0­Lazy sailors look forward to chore leave.O––L®Leonardo Da Vinci could use a paint brush to make a stroke of genius.O––-ÆLightning storms can be very striking.O––7°Lions always take great pride in their families.O––>±Luggage sales trends are determined using case studies.O––1²Lumber companies have many board meetings.O––)³Making a torte is a piece of cake.O––/“Making fun of a tree is a knock on wood.O––DµManagement at the post office is always pushing the envelope.O––\¶Many descendants of early Mexicans have the kinds of jobs one would expect: as techs.O––7·Many people are strongly attracted to a magnate.O––†øMany years ago I had this crazy idea about writing a novel about the Civil War but then suddenly it was all gone with the wind.O––8¹Mechanics can always be counted on in the clutch.O––<ŗMeet me at the clothes line. That's where I hang out!O––Q»Men are like steel because they are worthless when they lose their temper.O––4¼Mickey Mouse gives some people Disney spells.O––$½Money doesn't grow on sprees.O––M¾Most airline food is pretty bad, but their haggis is just plane offal.O––4æMost males in a men's room are stand-up guys.O–– ĄMost rules of thumb suck.O––>ĮMost teenagers find a lecturing parent hear-resistible.O––AĀMs. Earhart's loss to aviation could never be ameliorated.O––QĆMusicians need a leader because they don't know how to conduct themselves.O––EÄMy battery had an alkaline problem, so it went to AA meetings.O––4ÅMy comb is invaluable - I can't part with it.O––LĘMy favorite allergy song is Blowin' in the Wind by Peter Pollen Mary.O––IĒMy favorite rapper is the Easter bunny. He's really in to hip hop.O––RČMy first job was peddling designer clothing. I was a Dior to Dior salesman.O––9É'I have a split personality' said Tom being Frank.O––\Ź'Not only was I stumped,' said the lumberjack, 'but I was barking up the wrong tree.'O––OĖ1000 pairs of underwear were stolen. Police were making a brief enquiry.O––MĢ5000 hares have escaped from the zoo. The police are combing the area.O––^ĶA basketball player and a jockey just robbed the bank. Police are looking high and low.O––@ĪA bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.O––CĻA blood-sucking arachnid from the moon would be a Luna tick.O––rŠA boating accident between the yacht, Red Dawn, and the schooner, Blue Lagoon, left the survivors marooned.O––3ŃA boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.O––EŅA butcher shop opened on the 10th floor. The steaks were high.O––:ÓA cannibal's favorite game is 'swallow the leader'.O––2ŌA cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.O––GÕA cat ate some cheese and waited for a mouse with baited breath.O––8ÖA chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.O––?×A circus lion won't eat clowns because they taste funny.O––4ŲA clean thief always makes a stainless steal.O––TŁA computer store takes inventory to monitor progress, including a disk-count.O––<ŚA cosmetic surgeon knows how to raise a few eyebrows.O––2ŪA criminal's best asset is his lie ability.O––.ÜA dead writer of music is de-composing.O––6ŻA dentist and manicurist fought tooth and nail.O––NŽA doctor drank while putting on patients' casts. He was soon plastered.O––PßA dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.O––MąA farmer brought a bucket of milk to church so it could be pastorized.O––AįA farmer with a rip in his clothes has an overall problem.O––ŒāA father got blazing mad when he found a fire set by his boy behind their house and said 'I don't want arson doing things like that.'O––gćA friend told me he dug a hole in my backyard and filled it with water. I thought he meant well.O––<äA good insurance company knows how to handle acclaim.O––7åA gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.O––SęA guy became so good with a chainsaw that he was promoted to branch manager.O––TēA guy went to a costume party dressed as a knife, and he really looked sharp.O––PčA guy with money to burn may well find a gal who wants to play with fire.O––ZéA handlebar mustache may look ridiculous, but symmetrical eyelashes are even cilia.O––UźA hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.O––'ėA horse is a very stable animal.O––5ģA hotel was looking for inn-experienced staff.O––©ķA hungry traveler stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. 'Are you the friar?' he asks. 'No. I'm the chip monk,' he replies.O––ķīA husband with little English struggled to explain that his wife could not have children, saying 'she is unbearable'. Getting a blank stare he tried: 'she is impregnable'. Then finally he figured he had it: 'she is inconceivable!'O––6ļA lawyer for a church did some cross-examining.O––>šA letter carrier career is a mail-dominated profession.O––ańA librarian caught stealing had the book thrown at her and was put in a three storey jail.O––qņA long knife has been invented that cuts four loaves of bread at a time and is called a four loaf cleaver.O––CóA lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.O––aōA man stole a case of soap from the corner store. The police said he made a clean getaway.O––võA man walked into a chimney store and asked 'How much for this one?'. The salesman replied 'It's on the house.'O––öA man who rode in a carpool felt sick whenever they passed under a certain tunnel. His doctor diagnosed this as carpool tunnel syndrome.O––1÷A massage therapist kneaded new customers.O––DųA math professor in an unheated room is cold and calculating.O––CłA music store was robbed. The thief made away with the lute.O––LśA new auto body shop owner took a crash course to learn his business.O––MūA nut named Hazel held up a bank saying 'give me all the cashew have'.O––ƒüA patient came running to my psychiatry office screaming "I'm a teepee! I'm a wigwam!" I told him "Relax, you're two tents".O––5żA pediatrician is a doctor of little patients.O––3žA perfectly spherical pumpkin makes good pi.O––,’A plateau is a high form of flattery.O––!A podiatrist knows defeat.O––—A policeman accidentally arrested a judge who had dressed as a convict for a costume party. That cop learned never to book a judge by his cover.O––9A practical Czech is considered to be Praguematic.O––AA prisoner is someone who stands behind their convictions.O––^A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.O––A pun is its own reword.O––9A radio personality in a parade gave a short wave.O––nA railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought, or he might go down the wrong track.O––jA rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.O–– A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution.O––2 A scientist kept a close ion her equipment.O––W A sign at a cemetery reads, 'No Trespassing, Violators Will Face Grave Charges'.O––” A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.O––V A small boy went to the counter to pay for his lunch but he was a little short.O––JA smelly ant was expelled from the colony because he was deodorant.O––YA soldier never made it back to his base because he had driven his jeep into AWOL.O––KA speaker at the firearms convention had to rifle through his notes.O––=A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.O––2A tattoo artist has designs on his clients.O––/A test-tube baby has a womb with a view.O––SA thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.O––6A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.O––^A thousand dogs were stolen from a pet shop on Saturday. Police say they have no leads.O––0A tight-rope walker enjoys being on-line.O––SA toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, "Is the bar tender here?"O––=A two-year-old with a ghetto blaster is a baby boomer.O––3A veterinarian knows how to make a dog heal.O––+A waist is a terrible thing to mind.O––UA young nurse was nervous about giving vaccinations but gave it her best shot.O––8A zoo had a camel with no humps named 'Humphrey'.O––&Acupuncture is a jab well done.O––IAdvertisement: 'New study on obesity looks for larger test group.'O––_ After a day of changing her triplet's diapers, the new mother was feeling rather pooped.O––E!After entering the sewing contest she was on pins and needles.O––"After having a knee dislocated and an elbow fractured in two barroom brawls, Bradley should have learned to stay away from those joints.O––H#After Junior swallowed the watch he had to wait to pass the time.O––@$After the lawyer flushed the toilet, it went to the suer.O––>%After working for 24 hours straight he called it a day.O––A&Alcohol and calculus don't mix, so don't drink and derive.O––i'Although Nobelists tend to have dynamite personalities, Niels was a Bohr, and Linus was a Pauling.O––—(An adventurer paddling on a northern river got cold and lit a fire in his boat only to discover that you cannot have your kayak and heat it too.O––P)An alien landed at a soft drink company and said 'take me to your liter'.O––0*An archaeologist's career ended in ruins.O––J+An astronaut broke the law of gravity and got a suspended sentence.O––k,An astronaut who fails on a weightlessness experiment must be aware of the gravity of the situation.O––,-An auctioneer often looks forbidding.O––>.An electrician is a bright spark who knows what's watt.O––y/An electrician, once charged with battery, died before being recharged. Reactions were both positive and negative.O––C0An elevator makes ghosts happy because it lifts the spirits.O––?1An evangelist's effectiveness is measured in billigrams.O––'2An hourglass is a waist of time.O––-3An illiterate fisherman was lost at c.O––^4An office with many people and few electrical outlets could be in for a power struggle.O––5An optometrist told his patient: 'It appears your vision is improving!' 'Really?' replied the patient. 'Must be the luck of the iris.'O––<6An unusual medical book is one which has no appendix.O––)7Ancient orators tended to Babylon.O––$8Archers study arrow dynamics.O––%9Are evil wildebeests bad gnus?O––H:Are you wearing your golfer's socks? The pair with a hole in one.O––<;Army doctors are involved in big military operations.O––I<Artificial knees and elbows were developed during a joint project.O––+=Artists know where to draw the line.O––R>As a young boy, Brutus' mother often cautioned him not to run with Caesars.O––O?As the shoe said to the hat, 'You go on ahead, and I'll follow on foot'.O––C@At some executive meetings there is a chairman of the bored.O––-AAtheism is a non-prophet organization.O––^BAtheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.O––;CBakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.O––;DBe kind to your dentist because he has fillings too.O––;EBe true to your teeth, or they will be false to you.O––YFBecoming a yoga instructor offers the possibilities of a unique teaching position.O––:GBefore the revolution, Russia was in a Tsary state.O––7HBeing able to fit size 14 shoes is quite a feet.O––NIBeing burned at the stake is a rare experience but is seldom well done.O––=JBeing crushed by large objects can be very depressing.O––>KBill Gates took advantage of his Windows of opportunityO––hLBiologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing their vocal cords. They can't croak.O––|MBob was not the only one arrested for growing marijuana when the cops found out that it was actually a joint venture.O––4NBreak a bone today and you'll hurt to marrow.O––1OBring me a rubber band and make it snappy!O––CPBritain is a wet place since the queen has had a long reign.O––MQCalifornia is the land of earthquakes and suntans or 'shake and bake'.O––GRCan a piece of antique clothing be uncomfortable? Of corset can.O––9SCan I tell you a story about my bed? I made it up.O––>TCan Napoleon return to his place of birth? Of Corsican.O––:UCartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.O––AVCharles fell into the meat grinder. Now he's ground Chuck.O––?WChefs have the skillet takes to be good at what they do.O––6XChildren can do some knotty things with string.O––AYChronic illegal parkers suffer from parking zones disease.O––NZColonels don't carry guns because packing heat could cause them to pop.O––=[Could another name for a tire factory be a tread mill?O––\Decimals have a point.O––C]Dentists have their own flossify on how to keep teeth clean.O––9^Did Delaware her New Jersey? I don't know, Alaska.O––k_Did you hear about the fight at a local Laundromat? A washing machine beat the crap out of a diaper.O––H`Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.O––`aDid you hear about the frog who traced his family history to Warsaw? He was a tad Polish.O––obDid you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.O––XcDid you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.O––:dDid you know that donuts were first made in Greece?O––FeDo the people who climb the world's highest mountain ever rest?O––VfDon't expect to eat something fancy when you're flying because it's plane food.O––7gDon't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!O––AhDrinking a whole bucket of water could make you turn pail.O––8iDriving on so many turnpikes was taking its toll.O––CjDuring an earthquake in California a bank went into default.O––^kDuring his air test a young pilot flew through a rainbow. He passed with flying colors.O––JlDutch shoes were made in a factory machine until it got clogged up.O––qmEve showed up one morning wearing flowers instead of a fig leaf. She was the first woman to wear bloomers.O––anEver since the mayor's ban on flammable liquids, fewer arsonists have benzene around town.O––6oEver tried honeymoon salad? It's lettuce alone.O––*pEvery calendar's days are numbered.O––3qEveryone's fuming over the high cost of gas.O––LrFarmers are real experts - they are often outstanding in their field.O––7sFor a long time, black holes were a dark secret.O––gtFor a while, Houdini used a lot of trap doors in his act, but he was just going through a stage.O––IuFor insomnia move to the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.O––0vFor plumbers, a flush beats a full house.O––<wGarbage collectors don't die, they just kick the can.O––.xGardeners always know the ground rules.O––%yGet him on a diet? Fat chance!O––TzGirls who don't get asked out as often as their friends could feel out-dated.O––B{Goats in France are musical because they have French horns.O––/|Graveyard workers really dig their jobs.O––2}Gravity: it's always putting everyone down.O––7~Hangmen always keep their customers in the loop.O––RHave you ever been to Engagement, Ohio? It's between Dayton and Marysville.O––L€He ate so much over the holidays that he decided to quit cold turkey.O––DHe auditioned for a part as a trumpet player, but he blew it.O––:‚He became a math teacher due to some prime factors.O––KƒHe bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.O––V„He couldn't figure out how to fix the washing machine so he threw in the towel.O––<…He crashed through several windows, but felt no pane.O––M†He didn't tell his mother that he ate some glue. His lips were sealed.O––N‡He dined with her at the local beanery and was immediately inflatuated.O––;ˆHe dropped a computer on his toes and had megahertz.O––S‰He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.O––FŠHe got angry at the Italian chef and gave him a pizza his mind.O––=‹He had a photographic memory that was never developed.O––RŒHe had a soft drink while catching up on the ironing. It was soda pressing.O––FHe loved crosswords. They buried him six down and three across.O––AŽHe often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.O––=He put bug spray on his watch to get rid of the ticks.O––DHe put lipstick on his forehead to help him make up his mind.O––m‘He rose through the ranks of the International Corn Growers association, eventually becoming a kernel.O––:’He said I was average - but he was just being mean.O––2“He stayed at the auction to the bidder end.O––X”He threw jello at his wife, who had him arrested for carrying a congealed weapon.O––Q•He threw snow in his neighbor's driveway and shouted, DO YOU GET MY DRIFT?O––A–He took a gun to his watch because he wanted to kill time.O––<—He tried to play the shoehorn but got only footnotes.O––T˜He was arrested for throwing bombs from a boat, but they dropped the charges.O––A™He was fascinated by his new welding job. It was riveting.O––MšHe was wheeled into the operating room and then had a change of heart.O––D›He who hogs the sheets is usually very wrapped up in himself.O––9œHe who makes false teeth is an indentured laborer.O––€He worked at a factory making eye glasses and was pushed into the machine. He made a spectacle of himself. He was framed.O––FžHe would have become a sailor but he didn't want to make waves.O––cŸHer company distributes gift-boxed cashews, and she has a delivery guy that drives her nuts.O––G High on a ladder he saw a beautiful girl below. He fell for her.O––P”His girlfriend wanted him to slow down the car, but he put his foot down.O––;¢How do farmers make crop circles? With a protractor.O––K£How do spacemen add more protein to their diet? They make it meteor.O––:¤How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks.O––5„How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket.O––Q¦Humpty Dumpty had a great fall - and a pretty good spring and summer, too.O––X§I always prayed before my trigonometry tests. I was hoping for a sine from above.O––XØI bought me some of those new paper shirts. I don't like them - they're tearable.O––l©I continually asked the track coach about joining the team but he just kept giving me the run-around.O––KŖI could not pull out of my parking space, so I used my back up plan.O––J«I couldn't decide which of two physicians to see. It was a paradox.O––H¬I couldn't figure out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.O––.­I couldn't stand to be without my legs.O––B®I didn't want to give the brain surgeon a piece of my mind.O––UÆI do a lot of spreadsheets in the office so you can say I'm excelling at work.O––A°I dropped out of my communism class because of lousy Marx.O––@±I finished my trigonometry exam without a secant to lose.O––5²I get my large circumference from too much pi.O––V³I got a deal on a new computer, and they threw in the operating system to boot.O––\“I got angry when my cell phone battery died. My counselor suggested I find an outlet.O––DµI had an appointment with the chiropractor, but I backed out.O––;¶I had some back trouble, but it's all behind me now.O––o·I keep falling off my bike, but I just get right back on it and ride. I'm a firm believer in re-cycling.O––_øI keep reading 'The Lord of the Rings' over and over. I guess it's just force of hobbit.O––o¹I know a rancher who has 100 head of cattle, but he thought there were only 99 until he rounded them up.O––PŗI like to stay current with the electrifying adventures of Sherlock ohms.O––D»I need to cut my fingernails before they get too out of hand.O––S¼I once considered becoming a monk when I was young but I was cloisterphobic.O––D½I once had insomnia so bad I was awake until it dawned on me.O––K¾I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.O––QæI saw a beaver movie last night. It was the best dam movie I've ever seen.O––UĄI should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.O––IĮI started to work at a seafood buffet, but then I pulled a mussel.O––FĀI support both of my wives very well. I think that's big o' me.O––fĆI thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.O––vÄI tried to get a job at a casino but they didn't have a slot for me. I figured it was a bit of a gamble anyway.O––0ÅI used to be a banker but I lost interestO––4ĘI want certainty, or possibly something else.O––>ĒI wanted to be a clarinetist but I couldn't reed music.O––gČI wanted to be a fisherman for the halibut, but I floundered. I couldn't live off my net income.O––CÉI wanted to exercise last night but it just didn't work out.O––qŹI was against the construction of tennis courts in the park as I thought they would cause too much racket.O––FĖI was going to start an Apathy Anonymous group, but why bother.O––[ĢI was going to study the work of Sigmund Freud, but I was too Jung to understand it.O––PĶI wasn't allowed to be in Star Wars because I tested positive for droids.O––/ĪI went to see my guru but he wasn't omm.O––FĻI wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.O––:ŠI would like to go to Holland one day, wooden shoe?O––MŃI've tried numerous times to apply myself, but nothing seems to stick.O––@ŅIf a town's people have low Iqs, is the population dense?O––PÓIf actions speak louder than words, then why can't you hear mime artists?O––IŌIf all of the women left the country, there would be a stagnation.O––CÕIf Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?O––LÖIf children were allowed to dig for coal, would they still be miners?O––E×If intervening was an Olympic sport, he'd win the gold meddle.O––\ŲIf ionized fertilizer is delivered after business hours, the nitrate will be charged.O––LŁIf we don't conserve water we could go from one ex-stream to another.O––?ŚIf you are what you eat, I'm staying away from the nuts!O––;ŪIf you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.O––KÜIf you drive through swamp country, you will see swamps going bayou.O––\ŻIf you get a fruit basket from your psychiatrist, it will probably be shrink-wrapped.O––FŽIf you get sick at the airport, it could be a terminal illness.O––EßIf you give some managers an inch, they think they're a ruler.O––SąIf you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.O––JįIf you miss a class at beauty school, you'll need a makeup session.O––@āIf you run through a screen door, you'll strain yourself.O––cćIf you step onto a plane and recognize a friend of yours named Jack, don't yell out Hi Jack!O––AäIf you swallow uranium, you will probably get atomic ache.O––cåIf you think you are a set of curtains, either see a psychiatrist or pull yourself together.O––WęIf you're looking for oranges on an apple tree you will have a fruitless search.O––2ēIn a bakery buns usually play a small role.O––YčIn a recession, the most secure job is garbage-man. Business is always picking up.O––EéIn a Scandinavian race the last Lapp crossed the Finnish line.O––tźIn ancient times, seagoing vessels were much more fuel efficient. They got thousands of miles to the galleon.O––9ėIn medical matters it's nurses who call the shots.O––TģIn medical school he worried about passing as a surgeon, but he made the cut.O––PķIn the French Revolution, to stay alive you really had to keep your head.O––nīIn the office she was frantically looking for her false nails only to discover she had filed them away.O––SļIn the room the curtains were drawn, but the rest of the furniture was real.O––(šInstalling a fan can be a breeze.O––-ńIs that pure rump roast? Nothing butt.O––*ņIsn't the Grand Canyon just gorges?O––NóIt is difficult to escape being a peasant because resistance is feudal.O––?ōIt was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.O––JõIt was raining cats and dogs. There were poodles all over the road.O––GöIt wasn't school John disliked; it was just the principal of it.O––6÷It's a fact: taller people sleep longer in bed.O––8ųIt's better to love a short girl than not a tall.O––`łIt's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.O––MśIts amazing how eagles catch their prey. They must be really talonted.O––(ūLand mines cost an arm and a leg.O––6üLength times width times height speaks volumes.O––AżLet's talk about rights and lefts. You're right so I left.O––CžLife after death for evil doers has always been a hot topic.O––c’Little Jimmy told his teacher he never saw a humming bird but he had watched a spelling bee.O––2Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.O––$Love can be a touchy subject.O––DMake no bones about it but the ulna has a humerus side to it.O––6Making a boat out of stone would be a hardship.O––WMales who wonder why they should have a prostate exam usually get it in the end.O––`Many folks have known about the plight of the spotted owl but never gave a hoot about it.O––EMarathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.O––+Math teachers have lots of problems.O––<Mathematics teachers call retirement 'the aftermath'.O––W Medical Alert: Golf has been linked to risk of strokes due to iron deficiencies.O––8 Meetings - where we take minutes and waste hours.O––\ Missouri asked me to borrow Mississippi's New Jersey. I said 'I don't know - Alaska'.O––U Mr. Mushroom could never understand why he wasn't looked on as a real fun guy.O––U My cavity wasn't fixed by my regular dentist, but by a guy who was filling in.O––nMy daughter saw a herd of llamas. I said, 'We could stop and dally there.' She said, 'Alpaca suitcase.'O––|My desire to be a dermatologist was only skin deep. I knew I was destined for osteology. I could feel it in my bones.O––}My friend had amnesia and couldn't remember how to walk up the stairs, so I had to go back and teach him step by step.O––GMy friend lives by a cliff. He's always telling me to drop over.O––VMy grandfather manufactured waistcoats. You might say he had a vested interest.O––/My neurologist is testing my last nerve.O––5My new expensive vacuum cleaner really sucked.O––>My pet is very agreeable. He's a seeing-eye-to-eye dog.O––/My rechargeable batteries are revolting.O––NMy two uncles bet who would get married first. Then one upped the ante.O––EMy uncle called my grandfather a deer when he let my antelope.O––SMy Uncle refused to obey his controlling wife, proving to be most defy-aunt.O––[My wife works over-thyme in her herb garden before she decides it is time to cummin.O––]NASA accepted the wildebeest's application, and around our planet a brave gnu whirled.O––9Nature reserves are an eagle opportunity employer.O––?Never argue with your doctor. He has inside information.O––]Never cry when you're playing tennis because you could be charged with racket tearing.O––-Never put Descartes before the Horace!O––= Never upset a cannibal. You might end up in hot water.O––h!A New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia.O––)"News of a coming flood was leaked.O––F#News: a monkey at the zoo backed into a fan. Details to follow.O––<$Next time you get a lawyer a drink give him just-ice.O––.%No judge wants to be know as acquitter.O––’&No one knew who was attacking the castle until we learned it was the forces of Sir Nymbas of Cumulus, the legendary Dark and Stormy Knight.O––5'No-fault insurance does not cover earthquakes.O––8(Noah wasn't the first off the ark. He came forth.O––6)Nobody listens to Bugs Bunny. It's all haresay.O––.*Noteworthy musicians are very composed.O––K+No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.O––/,Nylons give women a run for their money.O––T-Of course you know about the self-taught comedian who made a fool of himself.O––6.Oil executives are always using crude language.O––?/Old accountants never die; they just lose their balance.O––B0Old artists never die; they just put things in perspective.O––41Old burglars never die; they just steal away.O––"2Old calendars are outdated.O––83Old cotton-pickers never die; they just bale out.O––<4Old doctors never die; they just lose their patience.O––<5Old electricians never die; they just get discharged.O––@6Old electricians never die; they just keep plugging away.O––B7Old firefighters never die; they just do asbestos they can.O––38Old gardeners never die; they just vegetate.O––?9Old genealogists never die; they just lose their census.O––G:Old grave-diggers never die; they just get buried in their work.O––4;Old grocers never die, they just get shelved.O––6<Old lumberjacks never die; they just pine away.O––G=Old math professors never die; they just reduce their functions.O––C>Old math profs never die; they just use strange expressions.O––??Old math profs never die; they just can't differentiate.O––2@Old mechanics never die; they just re-tire.O––:AOld mediums never die; they just give up the ghost.O––:BOld milkmaids never die; they just kick the bucket.O––;COld musicians never die; they are just disconcerted.O––?DOld photographers never die; they just have flash backs.O––PEOld photographers never die; they're just out of the picture for a while.O––:FOld pirates retire and grow corn for a buck an ear.O––8GOld politicians never die; they just get devoted.O––NHOld postal workers never die; they just visit the old stamping grounds.O––MIOld presidents never die; they just keep going through their cabinets.O––>JOld programmers never die; they just lose their memory.O––<KOld programmers never die; they just can't C as well.O––7LOld quarterbacks never die; they just pass away.O––LMOld race car drivers never die; they just write their auto biography.O––CNOld romance novelists never die; they just run out of steam.O––<OOld sailors never die; they just get a little dinghy.O––GPOld school principals never die; they just lose their faculties.O––4QOld skiers never die; they just go down hill.O––BROld tightrope walkers never die; they just get high strung.O––3SOld white blood cells lymph around the body.O––_TOn a lark, the bird watcher was robin the liquor store, even though he couldn't swallow.O––<UOn cooking shows, there is little margarine of error.O––7VOn Independence day, may the fourth be with you.O––0WOn organic farms they till it like it is.O––ŒXOn the commodities exchange when the price of corn goes up some farmers are all ears. Others are only interested in the stalk market.O––AYOn the farm a cow's derriere contributes to the dairy air.O––>ZOn the surface of things, whales are always blowing it.O––H[On their wedding night, the size of her garment was negligee-ble.O––:\Once ice cream was invented the problem was licked.O––?]Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.O––A^One ear of corn said to the other, 'You're getting husky'.O––_One evening King Arthur's men discovered Sir Lancelot's moonshine whiskey operation and shattered the still of the knight.O––\`One grasshopper told another about eating corn. It went in one ear and out the other.O––VaOne horse said to another: your pace is familiar but I don't remember the mane.O––lbOne night a banking tycoon fell overboard from his yacht. He was saved because he could float a loan.O––gcOne of the first things you'll notice at the Beijing airport is a whole lot of Chinese checkers.O––*dOne of these new shoes isn't right.O––9eOne palm tree said to another 'let's have a date.'O––cfOne-one was one racehorse. Two-one was one, too. Two-one won one race. One-one won one, too.O––@gOpening a new funeral parlor can be quite an undertaking.O––,hOrgan donors put their heart into it.O––2iOur cat is finally house broken - litterly.O––?jOur company manufactures doors and we stand behind them.O––FkOur country's Olympic swimming program has quite a talent pool.O–––lOur Lady of Perpetual Motion Convent received a government subsidy for their fleet of minivans because they qualified as a mass transit system.O––MmOur social studies teacher says that her globe means the world to her.O––‘nOver the years elevators, have had their fair share of ups and downs in terms of popularity, but thankfully the idea has not been shafted.O––_oOverheard in med school: 'I learned about the colon through the process of elimination.'O––JpPacking up and relocating to a new home can be a moving experience.O––=qPalace guards usually eat, sleep and drink securi-tea.O––WrPaula thinks she knows a lot about government, but she doesn't. Politics me off.O––:sPaying for college is often a matter of in-tuition.O––FtPeacocks are meticulous because they show attention to de tail.O––TuPencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?O––6vPennies from heaven are a blessing in de skies.O––QwPeople get organ transplants because someone's heart has gone out to them.O––XxPeople have a happy time vacationing in Ireland because they are walking on Eire.O––EyPeople in Switzerland can't learn to ski without a lot of alp.O––+zPeople in the desert have dry humor.O––Q{People who get complimented on their hair usually let it go to their head.O––6|People who like gold paint have a gilt complex.O––0}People who like yogurt are well cultured.O––2~People who make motor oil are very refined.O––5Pills with long names can be quite a mouthful.O––2€Pipe fitters often have high pressure jobs.O––;Pirates had comfortable feet because of their booty.O––'‚Plumbers often have pipe dreams.O––IƒPocket tape recorders were invented for those who like small talk.O––„Poetry is averse to me.O––A…Poets who want to go hunting have to get a poetic license.O––0†Police can do a search if it's warranted.O––6‡Police dogs often have a powerful in-scent-ive.O––hˆPolice found a criminal shot to death with exit wounds but no entry wounds. It was an inside job.O––S‰Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.O––FŠPoliticians like tall buildings because they seek high offices.O––=‹Politics only serves to make the future moron-certain.O––FŒPompous male bees are often known to drone on about themselves.O––6Poor blood circulation runs through the family.O––GŽPour hot water down a rabbit hole and you get a hot cross bunny.O––2Power drills have been improved bit by bit.O––=Pre-arranged marriages pre-pair people for the future.O––-‘Prison walls are never built to scale.O––@’Psychiatrists and rectal doctors deal with odds and ends.O––:“Purchasing land in Baton Rouge won't bayou a thing.O––$”Pure-bred dogs are bona-fido.O––)•Rabbits breed by leaps and bounds.O––+–Rabbits generally lead a hoppy life.O––9—Rabbits like their beer brewed with a lot of hops.O––6˜Real estate agents believe in doing good deeds.O––1™Remodeling a kitchen is counter intuitive.O––LšReplacing some people's central nervous system would be a no-brainer.O––M›Reported sightings of the abominable snowman are yeti to be confirmed.O––&œRetired teachers are classless.O––ĀRosemary was always late delivering packages. This prompted the head of International Herbs & Spices to call her supervisor, demanding to speak to the parcel sage about Rosemary and time.O––*žRoyal chairs are rarely throne out.O––vŸRumors about the army often have a kernel of truth to them but not in a major way and generally aren't private.O––M Running around your yard for thousands of miles would be quite a feet.O––J”Russia was slow to recover after WW2 because it kept Stalin around.O––>¢Safety goggles were invented by a peripheral visionary.O––3£Sailors often come from have-knot countries.O––-¤Sailors usually like their pier group.O––/„Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.O––0¦Scarecrows are always garden their patch.O––;§Schooner or later sailors engage in rudder nonsense.O––?ØScientists allow us to see the sun in a different light.O––3©Scientists have created a flea from scratch.O––=ŖScientists studying the sun have a flare for research.O––K«Scientists wanting to send a rocket to Jupiter had to really planet.O––)¬Sea captains don't like crew cuts.O––+­Sea captains have a lot of latitude.O––>®Securities are the cause of many people's insecurities.O––;ÆSellers of dried grapes are always raisin awareness.O––E°Selling coffee has its perks for those who have bean so lucky.O––/±Seven days without a pun makes one weak.O––g²Several carnivorous animals were eating the carcass but the king of beasts got the lion's share.O––3³Several photographers started a focus group.O––B“She became a telephone operator because it was her calling.O––>µShe became an art dealer because she wanted more Monet.O––B¶She didn't like her masseuse, who rubbed her the wrong way.O––D·She didn't marry the gardener -- too rough around the hedges.O––?øShe had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.O––8¹She had a sweet disposition until the bitter end.O––IŗShe quit her job as a stenographer as she hated being dictated to.O––E»She stole the policeman's heart, but he made a cardiac arrest.O––;¼She thought it was a real horse, but it was a phony.O––P½She told a long story about a coil of rope, and then left us all hanging.O––F¾She wanted to be a weaver but there were always too many snags.O––QæShe wanted to improve her body language but couldn't put her finger on it.O––=ĄShe was always calling for her twins, "on the double."O––:ĮShe was only a whisky-maker but he loved her still.O––@ĀShe was so thrifty she could smell a bargain a mall away.O––NĆShe was suspected of stealing a brooch but they couldn't pin it on her.O––GÄShe wore a new hairpiece every day and was considered a big wig.O––>ÅShe's a composer who has scores of works to her credit.O––NĘShe's happy to make a pair of pants for you, or at least sew its seams.O––/ĒShepherds sometimes have staff meetings.O––RČShow me a piano thrown into an army trench, and I'll show you A-flat major.O––XÉShow me someone in denial and I'll show you a person in Egypt up to their ankles.O––$ŹSick fish go to the sturgeon.O––4ĖSign at a deer crossing: The Buck Stops Here.O––4ĢSign on a broken perfume bottle: Out of Odor.O––RĶSign on a music store window: Come in and pick out a drum -- then beat it!.O––=ĪSign on the door of an Internet hacker: Gone Phishing.O––[ĻSimultaneous management of elephants and walruses requires the ability to multitusk.O––cŠSince Bruce got too close to the big blade at the saw mill, he is no longer feeling chipper.O––GŃSitting in the sun last summer, a lot of people became well-red.O––AŅSki vacations start on a high but go down hill from there.O––=ÓSkipping school to bungee jump will get you suspended.O––NŌSmall dogs with rich mistresses are often sitting in the lap of luxury.O––(ÕSmall people are in short supply.O––&ÖSmall surfers ride micro waves.O––,×Snails as freight would be 'S'-cargo.O––0ŲSod farms provide instant grassification.O––HŁSoda truth was revealed - it was a sundae when Abe 'n Anna split.O––.ŚSoldiers in plays like to Shakespeares.O––,ŪSome bankers are generous to a vault.O––CÜSome burglars are always looking for windows of opportunity.O––/ŻSome business graphs are full of legend.O––6ŽSome children are often on their pest behavior.O––=ßSome children think that their parents are all no-ing.O––HąSome commands given by the army are specific. Others are General.O––BįSome computer equipment got shot. It was a graphic display.O––,āSome cooks have a shellfish attitude.O––?ćSome cooks have sizzling tempers and get easily steamed.O––RäSome food is not all it's cracked up to be. I'll put in a nutshell for you.O––+åSome hospitals have to cut coroners.O––)ęSome moss took a lichen to a tree.O––2ēSome music stores are in a CD part of town.O––9čSome musicians can be sharp, which is not natural.O––OéSome of us are like potatoes: thick skinned but soft inside when warmed.O––vźSome orchestra conductors make their mark in the world of opera. They were in the right aria at the right time.O––EėSome people don't have the Vegas idea of how to quit gambling.O––2ģSome people don't like food going to waist.O––3ķSome people find fire drills quite Alarming.O––7īSome people go into martial arts just for kicks.O––3ļSome people like raw meat on rare occasions.O––IšSome people still think that writing long stories is a novel idea.O––KńSome people who refinish kitchens could be known as counter-fitters.O––^ņSome people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.O––AóSome planes are so cramped that passengers suffer jet leg.O––PōSome prison inmates fell into poison ivy and started a rash of breakouts.O––MõSome scientists who study our genes are so busy they do it on the fly.O––IöSome soloists are so bad they should sing tenor twelve miles away.O––M÷Somebody was running a flea circus, but a dog came and stole the show.O––cųSomeone once accused me of stealing an old, rare, valuable stamp, and I philately denied it.O––DłSomeone who attempts long distance fraud is known as a phony.O––8śSomeone who robs shoe stores is an arch criminal.O––;ūSomeone who sells old chess pieces is a pawn broker.O––LüSometimes a pencil sharpener is needed in order to make a good point.O––BżSometimes a pregnancy is so long it seems like a maternity.O––EžSoon after he joined the band, the guitarist was instrumental.O––K’Soon after Sam and Ella got married they experienced food poisoning.O––[Soon after Sir Lancelot moved to Egypt he opened his very successful Used Camel Lot.O––*Southerners are quick on the drawl.O––7Spelunking can be a most grottofying experience.O––5Sports are refereed by people of many stripes.O––*Stamp out excessive postage prices.O––@Staying at the trendy, new hotel was the inn thing to do.O––Stolen eggs are poached.O––1Straw hats are no longer in their hay day.O––CStrippers are bad investors. They tend to lose their shirts.O––4 Studying fungus is a way to mold young minds.O––. Subdued: A surfer guy on a submarine...O––F Submarine commanders like to submerge themselves in their work.O––4 Suicide at sea is definitely going overboard.O––6 Sunglasses for sailors had better be seeworthy.O––!Surfers need a waiver too.O––3Surprisingly, Julius Caesar preferred ranch.O––1Suspenders are in their own support group.O––FSwimming instructors are always getting immersed in their work.O––MSwitching from alcohol to drugs is bad because you'll be high and dry.O––VTailors have a measure of happiness because they are well suited to their jobs.O––<Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded.O––MTeaching your kids in the heat of the moment is bad heir-conditioning.O––]Technically speaking, a programmer's favorite subject with his boss is usually arrays.O––DTelevision sets in Britain have to cross the English Channel.O––?Ten years without brushing causes horrible tooth decade.O––ETennis players don't marry because love means nothing to them.O––IThat diet clinic is so successful it would take your breadth away.O––8That gas pump must be sick. It doesn't fill well.O––IThat Italian chef is really annoying. He's making a pesto himself.O––7That new mystery novel has a killer start to it.O––yThat really nice fellow works in a clothing factory sewing zippers on jeans. That is good. He wouldn't hurt a fly.O––6That skeleton thinks he's just bad to the bone.O––H That's a terrible cough you've got. Consumption be done about it?O––U!The Titanic didn't have enough lifeboats, but that was the tip of the iceberg.O––="The accountant enjoyed the job, figuratively speaking.O––^#The actor was never quite right after he retired. He had Post Dramatic Stress Disorder.O––k$The air conditioning contractor was noted for his efficiency because he kept all his ducts in a row.O––9%The alcoholic wanted to quit, so he had a dry run.O––c&The All-Pro wide receiver's wedding was a little bit shaky, but his reception was excellent.O––$'The aluminum foiled my plans.O––>(The answers for the geology test were written in stone.O––Y)The apple crossed the street because he wanted to get to the other cider the road.O––B*The arrogant math teacher finally ate a slice of humble pi.O––N+The astronauts said their experience on the moon was out of this world.O––H,The astronomer quit his job to become a barber. Eclipse hair now.O––{-The astronomer's research project didn't win him the coveted Galaxy Award, but he did receive a constellation prize.O––w.The author wasn't pleased to see a review of his book on cappuccinos. It said it was all froth and no substance.O––4/The ballerina found her feet too-too painful.O––C0The bank's clients went belly-up due to phishing operations.O––`1The bargain store promised a free abacus with every purchase, but I wouldn't count on it.O––K2The baseball pitcher's retirement was at the end of a wonderful ERA.O––=3The bear went over the mountain to see what was bruin.O––Z4The beauty queen is unhappy about her upcoming foreign tour. She will miss America.O––>5The best place for a mathematician is behind a counter.O––F6The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.O––L7The best way to stop a charging bull is to take away his credit card.O––>8The boatyard had a sale advertising 'Ketch of the day'.O––m9The bowling alley employees went on strike when their boss said he couldn't spare them a raise in pay.O––-:The boxer's girlfriend was a knockout.O––N;The boxer's sister was a computer programmer, and a technical knockout.O––L<The bride's best friend is so proud, she's practically made of honor.O––p=The Buddhist refused pain-killers during the root canal because he wanted to transcend dental medication.O––L>The builders of raceways believe that one good turn deserves another.O––W?The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.O––t@The calculus teacher tried to keep his students on task, but the class discussion kept going off on tangents.O––4AThe cannibal passed his brother in the woods.O––}BThe cannibal's cookbook titled 'How to Better Serve your Fellow Man' was written by a guy who had a wife and ate kids.O––:CThe car stopped with a jerk, then the jerk got out.O––6DThe careless pyromaniac made an ash of himself.O––8EThe case against a donut thief was full of holes.O––RFThe cat took up computer lessons in hopes of mastering its grip on a mouse.O––0GThe chef slipped and broke his prime rib.O––<HThe chef took some cheese and made some grate things.O––DIThe chicken crossed the playground to get to the other slide.O––iJThe chicken knew the first leg of his trip would take him to Buffalo. From there he would wing it.O––WKThe chicken went to the middle of the road. She was going to lay it on the line.O––SLThe church janitor was also the organist and had to watch his keys and pews.O––MThe circus had to renew their insurance policy. They were in a hurry, so the insurance company issued a three ring binder.O––_NThe circus manager made the clowns undress in his office as he was fond of comic strips.O––MOThe clerk had stickers everywhere. There was even a price on her head.O––PPThe coach didn't let him play all season. The result was a new benchmark.O––-QThe coffee around here is break fluid.O––aRThe concession stand at the circus had very good coffee. It was the greatest joe on earth.O––ISThe conductor lost his train of thought when the caboose derailed.O––@TThe consequence of playing drums often is re-percussions.O––EUThe contest for most skilled logger ended in a split decision.O––eVThe cosmetic student was sick on the day of the final exam. Now she has to take a makeup exam.O––>WThe cost of a galvanized hull is enough to zinc a ship.O––MXThe couple who met in a revolving door are still going round together.O––šYThe cowboy dismounted on the spur of the moment to stirrup some trouble, bridled at being arrested and saddled the sheriff with a bit of a problem.O––<ZThe cowboy reached for his gun and then drew a blank.O––9[The cowboy took hay to bed to feed his nightmares.O––1\The date soldiers wait for is March Forth.O––8]The dead batteries were given out free of charge.O––V^The dentist's alibi was full of holes, so the police performed a cavity search.O––Y_The department head had a weekly meeting to get his scientists positively charged.O––I`The Department of Corrections has a large budget for liquid paper.O––FaThe dervish had so much endurance, he set a new whirled record.O––DbThe designers of jeans are always looking at the bottom line.O––icThe detective who went to investigate a burned-down post office figured that it must be blackmail.O––cdThe dictator was really upset about the neckwear he had received as a gift. What a tie rant.O––4eThe diet industry enjoys a heavy bottom line.O––afThe difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist? The taxidermist leaves the hide.O––5gThe discovery of how to make steel was ironic.O––;hThe display of still-life art was not at all moving!O––ZiThe doctor blood-tested secretarial candidates before hiring to eliminate type-O's.O––;jThe duck said to the bartender, 'put it on my bill.'O––LkThe duke and the count had a fight. The duke went down for the count.O––0lThe earless defendant waived his hearing.O––lmThe earliest mention of cars is in the Bible when Adam and Eve were driven out of the Garden of Eden.O––]nThe English teacher felt odd after being fired: it was post-grammatic stress disorder.O––%oThe evil onion had many lairs.O––2pThe family elders have relative importance.O––PqThe farmer gave his chickens a bushel of feed, but they only took a peck.O––ErThe farmer was fowl-mouthed, but his chickens were impeccable.O––8sThe fine print is usually a clause for suspicion.O––BtThe first drinking establishment in Alaska was a polar bar.O––]uThe first duck wouldn't go in the water. The other duck said "What are you, chicken?".O––AvThe first fuel used in auto racing was called formula one.O––9wThe first guy to mass produce candies made a mint.O––4xThe first household lubricant was caster oil.O––;yThe first scientists who studied fog were mistified.O––PzThe first time he put the horses on the carriage it went without a hitch.O––C{The first time I got hold of a hang glider I had to wing it.O––5|The Fraternity member was hungry so he eta pi.O––K}The frog went unnoticed in the milkshake because it blended so well.O––2~The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.O––The general started bowling before his aide had entered his name on the score sheet. He had launched a pre-emptive strike.O––‘€The geologist-turned-bank robber had lost his marbles when he swore the missing bank deposits were not his fault and he had a clean slate.O––kThe girls' swim team has a new coach who acts like she knows everything. Her name is Claire Buoyant.O––r‚The golfer guessed that his ball landed 20 feet off the fairway. Of course, that was just a rough estimate.O––EƒThe government is going to charge for hitch-hiking. Thumb tax.O––y„The great chef put in much thyme while learning his craft in Amsterdam - he likes to call them his 'Holland days.'O––3…The greatest nut Meg ever knew met a grater.O––`†The groundskeeper at a large cemetery was important because he had 5000 people under him.O––I‡The guy who directs trucks in a shipping yard is a semi conductor.O––>ˆThe guy who draws pictures of suspects is a con artist.O––5‰The guy who sold his carnival got a Fair deal.O––/ŠThe headlines nobody likes are wrinkles.O––T‹The history of cheese is full of holes, but it's interesting in its own whey.O––aŒThe Hong Kong businessman left a huge estate when he died. It was the great will of China.O––`The hostage said he couldn't stay on the phone long because he was tied up at the moment.O––3ŽThe incontinent Scotsman had a wee accident.O––=The inept mathematician couldn't count on his friends.O––EThe invention of a shirt fastener after the button was a snap.O––c‘The invention of concrete was soon reinforced as a solid entry into the construction market.O––:’The inventor of a hay baling machine made a bundle.O––7“The inventor of rope built a very large hempire.O––1”The invisible cows were herd but not seen.O––(•The jam thief had his own jargon.O––;–The jogger who overslept found himself running late.O––W—The Junior NCO had sore wrists. The doctor said it was corporal tunnel syndrome.O––A˜The king and queen played chess in their castle at knight.O––]™The landscaper was looking to improve his portfolio. He was interested in hedge funds.O––UšThe Lautrec miniature slipped from its frame because it was a little Toulouse.O––5›The lawyer asked a loaded question about guns.O––2œThe liquor store advertised, 'We De-Liver.'O––ZThe little green men told me it was the Dog Star. I told them they can't be Sirius.O––džThe little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.O––DŸThe local baker was paying his staff based on a flourly rate.O––1 The Loch Ness monster eats fish and ships.O––B”The lumber company downsized. They got rid of the deadwood.O––6¢The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.O––N£The male pig puts everyone to sleep. You could say he's quite the boar.O––C¤The man addicted to brake fluid said he could stop any time.O––v„The man brought an umbrella with him into the ice cream store because he heard there was a chance of sprinkles.O––C¦The man found something to catch fish, which was a net gain.O––O§The man lost his grip at the woodchopping competition - he was defeeted.O––PØThe man put his name on the neck of his shirt so he would have collar ID.O––U©The man who bought too much graphing paper didn't know where to draw the line.O––FŖThe man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.O––S«The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.O––6¬The manager of a dairy farm is a cow-ordinator.O––R­The managers in charge of company layoffs were known as the 'firing squad'.O––j®The manicurist went back to college to become a veterinarian. She was great at giving a pet a cure.O––;ÆThe manufacturers of dynamite do a booming business.O––7°The manufacturing of t-shirts has really cotton.O––h±The marine biology seminars weren\t for entertainment but were created for educational porpoises.O––P²The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.O––:³The math teacher was an exponent of his own powers.O––X“The mathematician did not practice safe six and ended up with a binarial disease.O––;µYou feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.O––S¶Women who wear $200.00 perfume obviously are known to have no common scents.O––s·Why was the ink drop sad? Because her dad was in the pen and she didn't know how long the sentence would be!O––JøWhen William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.O––E¹When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.O––3ŗWhen the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.O––]»When the electricity went off during a storm at a school the students were de-lighted.O––Y¼When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.O––P½When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.O––?¾What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).O––wæWhat is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.O––^ĄWhat did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.O––VĮWe were so poor when I was growing up we couldn't even afford to pay attention.O––UĀTwo peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.O––zĆTwo hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'.O––2ÄTo write with a broken pencil is pointless.O––:ÅTo some, marriage is a word; to others, a sentence.O––4ĘThose who throw dirt are sure to lose ground.O––KĒThose who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.O––KČThere was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.O––[ÉThere was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.O––KŹThe roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.O––AĖThe one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.O––0ĢYour nose is in the scenter of your face.O––1ĶYou've got more issues than Time magazine.O––yĪYou would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but I hear they can't keep their heads above water.O––/ĻYou should never take rocks for granite.O––;ŠYou should never drink beyond the pint of no return.O––SŃYou may not take a second polygraph test because they can't be re-lied upon.O––QŅYou didn't hear about the three big holes in the ground? Well, well, well.O––€ÓYesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.O––XŌYears ago, changing TV channels from a sitting position was a remote possibility.O––=ÕWorking as an elevator operator has its ups and downs.O––8ÖWith her marriage she got a new name and a dress.O––:×With certain cashiers, things are slow to register.O––6ŲWill this computer last five years? Obsoletely!O––7ŁWhy was the car embarrassed? Because it had gas!O––MŚWhy did the proton blush? It was positively attracted to the electron.O––XŪWhy did the admiral decide against buying a new hat? He was afraid of cap sizing.O––JÜWhoever invented binary logic knew how to put two and two together.O––DŻWhile training to work at Coca Cola, he was given a pop quiz.O––IŽWhile stealing from a blood bank, the thief was caught red handed.O––hßWhile in Mexico, the Chinese diplomat got a ticket for going the Wong way on the Juan Way street.O––9ąWhere do peas have their sight tested? In an iPod.O––<įWhenever I go near my bank I get withdrawal symptoms.O––TāWhen you get a transfusion in a Taiwanese hospital, you receive Taipei blood.O––HćWhen you are driving, watch for wild animals that are dead ahead.O––9äWhen women enter middle age, it gives men a pause.O––JåWhen Wally discovered he had Lyme disease he was really ticked off.O––WęWhen traveling between Russia and Alaska, you first must get your Bering Strait.O––aēWhen those around King Arthur's table had insomnia, there were a lot of sleepless knights.O––GčWhen they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.O––?éWhen there are tears at a wedding there is also eye dew.O––gźWhen the woman got paid for being in a study at the sleep clinic, she said it was her dream job.O––;ėWhen the wheel was invented, it caused a revolution.O––shuffle=–  ī–randomR– _ B –myDateDate@–myDate–getMillisecondsR–&–LoadVars@––onLoad›G––IŒDebrief™!––GŒ StartTrialO’ Initialize’įTimes New Romanį@ āgģ?Ēģ m į’(Œāčį÷P@?Œ Instructions@?{ˆūageDataArraySelectilanguageDataZuluZoqueZarmaYorubaYiddishYembaYaoYakaXhosaWyandotWolofWelshWarlpiriWalloonWagimanVoticVietnameseVepsVendaUzbekUyghurUrduƜqoiUmbrianUlwaUkrainianTwiTurkmenTurkishTonganTocharianTlingitTibetanThaiTetanTeluguTatarTarokTarahumaraTamilTamazightTainoTahitianTamasheqTaiwaneseTagalogSwedishSwahiliSwabianSumerianSĆ»dovianSrananSorbianSomaliSogdianSloveneSlovakSinhaleseSindarinShoshoniShonaShiSherpaSeriSerbianSardinianSanskritSamoanSaamiSaanichRussianRotumanRovianaRomanianRejangRastaRap 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" # $ % & ' ( ) * + , - . / 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 : ; < = > ? @ A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z [ \ ] ^ _ ` a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z { | } ~  €  ‚ ƒ „ … † ‡ ˆ ‰ Š ‹ Œ  Ž   ‘ ’ “ ” • – — ˜ ™ š › œ  ž Ÿ   ” ¢ £ ¤ „ ¦ § Ø © Ŗ « ¬ ­ ® Æ ° ± ² ³ “ µ ¶ · ø ¹ ŗ » ¼ ½ ¾ æ Ą Į Ā Ć Ä Å Ę Ē Č É Ź Ė Ģ Ķ Ī Ļ Š Ń Ņ Ó Ō Õ Ö × Ų Ł Ś Ū Ü Ż Ž Ž ß ą į : ā ć ä åĒ@– ę ē@– ę– č› evtw– é ź– ėR– ģ ķ– īR– ļ š– ėR– ń ņ– ėR– ó ō– ėR– õ– ģ–I– õ– é–I– õ– ļ–I– õ– ń–I– õ– ó–I– õ– õ–IŒ Deographics2™ – ö ÷O– ę– č ų– łR–– ź– śR–– š– śR–– ņ– śR– !– ō– śR’ Demographics1æ…–Ś ˜7 g– datamale–groupNamesex_group– labelMale–labelPlacementright– selected扖ŚĶ 7 k–datafemale–groupNamesex_group–labelFemale–labelPlacementright– selected’4ćArial ·ūīzĻāvūA¦ Ģ€e!č ?j8Ó* Člō¤s[#éj)/™IąKŠ^Tø$X2’Eƒ²Ø/#5³Z¬ÖĶkn ®X4 ¹*Š‚Śń"ė!X>ƬLMŠT˜—Tū@Z€NĀXTžÉL IHz˜łŸUĒĘ}[ %LdČ¹Qy/›óÕWæö"f ™¢ :b”ą:^  ˆöX"4b½—sŁuļ<Ģ]į=žz€ĮyhŖōŽyŽBkĮ>.łņ‚µZ±Ż b•ubßp²¼`€ č =Xi‰MĀ/Š±xZ/p*’Ĭ¤«2*ź= Ev¤ÆWd‰œ)H™éhsŠˆsŻ»ß«Dw¼ˆ!éŠŖ8ē* Ŗą.>«Q6z¬« žŠ¶xn;y:ʇˆT,F‰Qj" tuH!ŠŠČ*Šą RŌŠš=T™Ō(%@“:Ą—]©j¬ āpŖ)  „&ĪˆŠ§e[ĻM=0@^€›m'0[*Ā!„AŖčƒ"ˆŠČæj0ešu© A ˆ˜x*A3N4„šcBł:Ŗ-Ø ZĮ č9Hzø@xUÉ Ńj U­$^vܧ4­^©“¬ ēV ŗ»D••“EȬh\Q‹}YT h7P²įU@ČŚĒsqŃ*€Rü€ŠĄU6ü %Ė`€ø„ Ą<Ą«ā+;o5Š¬æ ˆ ¬(2hĻŖÉ£>śedĮ ®$¢4=mątP‡M0t/‡MŠTĢńI©Ź£)TSܤ“€Jų`_uļ&†¦čyĢ)™€VŖuaJ•Ģt>‡JŠtA‡ŖD  ¬Š¢4=c@t9‡«˜  ¬v¢4=kt4‡JżR}'4Ä÷ ! 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(if more than one, pick primary)ŒčĪæ ¶ ¤ÉLĶ@PH÷@country_boxq– editable–rowCount– enabled– visible–minHeight–minWidth Déoöżhķ ć’(What is the first language you spoke?‹ éÄ愶 ¤ÉLĶ@PH|@nat_language_boxq– editable–rowCount – enabled– visible–minHeight–minWidth Aźoöżhķ ć’(What is your primary language now?Œ źEć槶 ¤ÉLĶ@P˜ŗ€prime_language_boxq– editable–rowCount – enabled– visible–minHeight–minWidth@     ?aˆźWarning2demoBtn2Objectclickalready_participatedalready_groupgetValueautismautism_groupdyslexiadyslexia_grouppsychiatricother_groupgood_formPlease finish all questions before continuing.continue2_btnaddEventListener–– @––› evt&– –R–  –R–   –R–   –R–––I–&– – –I– – –I– ––I– ––IŒInstructions2™–O–– –R’ Demographics2æŌ¶XT†Ącontinue2_btnؖicon–labelContinue–labelPlacementright– selected– toggle– enabled– visible–minHeight–minWidth Eėwū K’°€ķ ć’(Have you ever played Puntastic before?‹ėd2æA–ŚČfg@QŲ€i– datayes–groupNamealready_group– labelYes–labelPlacementright– selected­›__f_clickeventObjV–RWarning2If you want to change responses from a previous time, please email us.– __f_click–clickthis–addEventListenerR抖ŚČff@_˜€g– datano–groupNamealready_group– labelNo–labelPlacementright– selected &ģwū ×°:Pm ę¤Ģ’(Warning2Œģ "ē`搖ŚČŒĢ@jŲ€m– datamaybe–groupNamealready_group–labelMaybe–labelPlacementright– selected Mķwū 7’°€ķ ć’(Do you have difficulty with social situations?‹ķ >æ@–ŚČfg@QŲWph– datayes–groupNameautism_group– labelYes–labelPlacementright– selected­›__f_clickeventObjV–RWarning2If you want to change responses from a previous time, please email us.– __f_click–clickthis–addEventListenerR扖 ŚČff@_˜Wpf– datano–groupNameautism_group– labelNo–labelPlacementright– selected >īwū #’°Čķ ć’(Do you have difficulty reading?Œ ī „į€æB– ŚČfg@QŲ™°j– datayes–groupNamedyslexia_group– labelYes–labelPlacementright– selected­›__f_clickeventObjV–RWarning2If you want to change responses from a previous time, please email us.– __f_click–clickthis–addEventListenerRæ‹– ŚČff@_˜™°h– datano–groupNamedyslexia_group– labelNo–labelPlacementright– selected cļwū ’°*ˆķ ć’(Have you been diagnosed with a psychiatric or neurological disorder?Œ ļ †·€æ?–ŚČfg@QŲŌpg– datayes–groupNameother_group– labelYes–labelPlacementright– selected­›__f_clickeventObjV–RWarning2If you want to change responses from a previous time, please email us.– __f_click–clickthis–addEventListenerR或ŚČff@_˜Ōpe– datano–groupNameother_group– labelNo–labelPlacementright– selected@     ?ˆŠ WarningstarscurrenttrialWordPunsA group of singers wore coral necklaces.When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.A hotel next to a dairy is called a mootel.Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.Star1blankStar_rootattachMoviemovie attachedStar2Star3Star4Star5Star6Star7getitBtnObjectclickgetit_btnaddEventListenerfinishBtnPlease choose at least 1 Star!finishfinish_btnnextpunBtnnextpun_btn–– –&––g––– N™…–‡– f5–f2–f/–f,™4–™'–™–™ – ™–   – R– – P#– – €?Ķ#–&–  – R–– n#–– €?Ķ#–  – R–– Œ#–– €?Ķ#–  – R–– Ŗ#–– €?Ķ#–  – R–– Č#–– €?Ķ#–  – R–– ę#–– €?Ķ#–  – R–– #–– €?Ķ#– @––› evtH–’’’’– %–%–%–%–%–%–%ŒRecordResponseO–– –R– @––› evtn–– I –™H–– %–%–%–%–%–%–%ŒRecordResponseO–– –R– @––› evty–&–– I –™L– %–%–%–%–%–%–%– ŒRecordResponseO–– –R’ StartTrial nšwū°€ķ ć’(not funny very funnyŒšŠ€’ńArialń€ IņwūU°q ķ ń’(WordMary helps Sally because she is a dax.ņČżw@ р’0ógū/gūŠ`/€’%‹ÄžT8 p‡:(“–ņt.ą’1ōgĢ±ļȔHgѱŸĶ“ų™f’’5ŒfO’DørŃĪ†å\€æõóóóōˆi _rootstarsStar1removeMovieClipyellowStarattachMovieStar2Star3Star4Star5Star6Star7blankStar––O– –R––R–– P#–– €?Ķ#– –R– –R– –R–  –R–  –R–  –R– –R–– n#–– €?Ķ#– –R–– Œ#–– €?Ķ#– –R–– Ŗ#–– €?Ķ#–  –R– – Č#– – €?Ķ#–  –R– – ę#– – €?Ķ#–  –R– – #– – €?Ķ#—õČb”DuN@i@æöóóóōˆi _rootstarsStar1removeMovieClipyellowStarattachMovieStar2Star3Star4Star5Star6Star7blankStar––O– –R––R–– P#–– €?Ķ#– –R––R–– n#–– €?Ķ#– –R– –R–  –R–  –R–  –R– –R–– Œ#–– €?Ķ#– –R–– Ŗ#–– €?Ķ#–  –R– – Č#– – €?Ķ#–  –R– – ę#– – €?Ķ#–  –R– – #– – €?Ķ#—öČb”DuN"a@i@æ÷óóóōˆi _rootstarsStar1removeMovieClipyellowStarattachMovieStar2Star3Star4Star5Star6Star7blankStar––O– –R––R–– P#–– €?Ķ#– –R––R–– n#–– €?Ķ#– –R––R–– Œ#–– €?Ķ#– –R–  –R–  –R–  –R– –R–– Ŗ#–– €?Ķ#–  –R– – Č#– – €?Ķ#–  –R– – ę#– – €?Ķ#–  –R– – #– – €?Ķ#—÷Čb”DuN+Į@i@æųóóóōˆi _rootstarsStar1removeMovieClipyellowStarattachMovieStar2Star3Star4Star5Star6Star7blankStar––O– –R––R–– P#–– €?Ķ#– –R––R–– n#–– €?Ķ#– –R––R–– Œ#–– €?Ķ#– –R––R–– Ŗ#–– €?Ķ#–  –R–  –R–  –R–  –R– – Č#– – €?Ķ#–  –R– – ę#– – €?Ķ#–  –R– – #– – €?Ķ#— ųČb”DuN5!@i@æłóóóōˆi _rootstarsStar1removeMovieClipyellowStarattachMovieStar2Star3Star4Star5Star6Star7blankStar––O– –R––R–– P#–– €?Ķ#– –R––R–– n#–– €?Ķ#– –R––R–– Œ#–– €?Ķ#– –R––R–– Ŗ#–– €?Ķ#–  –R– –R– – Č#– – €?Ķ#–  –R–  –R–  –R– – ę#– – €?Ķ#–  –R– – #– – €?Ķ#— łČb”DuN>}@i@æśóóóōˆi _rootstarsStar1removeMovieClipyellowStarattachMovieStar2Star3Star4Star5Star6Star7blankStar––O– –R––R–– P#–– €?Ķ#– –R––R–– n#–– €?Ķ#– –R––R–– Œ#–– €?Ķ#– –R––R–– Ŗ#–– €?Ķ#–  –R– –R– – Č#– – €?Ķ#–  –R– –R– – ę#– – €?Ķ#–  –R–  –R– – #– – €?Ķ#— śČb”DuNGŻ@i@æūūóóóōˆ_ _rootstarsStar1removeMovieClipyellowStarattachMovieStar2Star3Star4Star5Star6Star7––O– –R––R–– P#–– €?Ķ#– –R––R–– n#–– €?Ķ#– –R––R–– Œ#–– €?Ķ#– –R––R–– Ŗ#–– €?Ķ#–  –R– –R– – Č#– – €?Ķ#–  –R– –R– – ę#– – €?Ķ#–  –R– –R– – #– – €?Ķ#—ūČb”DuNQ=@i@æÓ¶X Ć}€nextpun_btn©–icon–labelNext Pun!–labelPlacementright– selected– toggle– enabled– visible–minHeight–minWidthæ׶XYś® getit_btnƖicon–labelI don't get it!–labelPlacementright– selected– toggle– enabled– visible–minHeight–minWidthæÖ¶X±{}€finish_btn­–icon–labelQuit Playing!–labelPlacementright– selected– toggle– enabled– visible–minHeight–minWidth %üwū į’°ąm ć@’’(Warningæ6ü2õ€Warning@   ?=–prepareResults=–submitResults=’ RecordResponse@?’ Instructions2’[żpéĖĀŒŪHpė ½ Śų’’’’’’’’!5ČŪ ÷“Ų’½ö„ņļ}[1¾ĘyŽ.Ÿļ®d7±žĒZż¤‚o!®÷Õ³ģgāéžśęC{į¼qAŽL\ocž÷Ś µ ēŠŽL\ocž÷Ś;Čk½õlĘūēxŗ¾¹ŽĒųoPArĻd«ļ±žw‹§ūė™ ģ†ńÅy1q½ūßh@ļ!®÷Õ³¹E²"7±’{ķä5Žś¶c}Œó¼]?ß\Čocü7Ž(;ɋ€Z²¤‚o!®÷Õ³ģgāéžśęC{į¼qAŽL\ocž÷Ś#µčLtļž÷©śLéÜ>õQ£~ö‹½1ß9ļŚRb¢:ųÆף! ¼-Eµˆ;H„EqUé.[ɋmģŽūBy s¾­šßc;ļPw×2Ų’ ćŠī!]%č×Å~¾Émįh#ŽóĄ~õ!ĆI½9ŠĀūÕFmūŚ>ōÅ’|ä æiJ!Š‹qÉX»Ķ"ø¼&…]ö„ņē}[3¾ĘwŽ. ļ®dw±žĒ=äŶö?ģ÷®Ė$1Q|Wėģ†Ž‚8éß<ļR÷ō—ūÓøź£>żķzb’¾rß“„ā"6‘KŠå™’\·“ŪŲ’½ö„ņē}[5¾ĘwŽ. ļ®d7±žĒ0\© a»ķä5Īś¶k}Œļ¼]Aß\Čocü7Ž({ɋmģŲ.K%0Żö„ņē}[5¾ĘwŽ. ļ®d7±žĒ=äŶö?ģ¼’ęņbŪ{÷¾ŠŽC\ļ«f·ŲĪūÅŌõĢ†ö?Ćxā† Isy1m½ūßh@ļ!®wÕ³[ģg}āźśīC{į¼qCČæ4BļP÷“ŪŲ’½ö„ņē}[3¾ĘwŽ. ļ®dw±žøż–„·×;źŁö3¾ńu}s#½šŽ8”ļ&-·±’{ķ\l RŪČkõlĪūßxŗƒ¾»‘ŽĘųoP÷“ŪŲ’½ö„.[…©mä5Īś¶g}Œļ¼]Aß\Čļcü7Ž({ɋmģŽūB)Ō¶ņē}[3¾ĘwŽ. ļ®dw±žĒ=äŶö?ļ}”†ż \žwūė’°ć€ķ 搒(In this experiment, you will be asked to rate puns on a scale of 1 to 7 stars. You will see 7 Stars on the screen. If you think the pun is one of the funniest puns ever, give it 7 stars by clicking the pun all the way on the right. If you think it isn't funny at all, give it 1 star by clicking on the left. ‹žGxæ9’óóóōŒInstructions2‘’Ķ)złCˆpr 6oö ż­4ę|’(Click here to continue ‘É?å"éĪ nwūĶ’°€ķ ć’(not funny very funnyŒD&€ nwūŲ°€ķ ć’(not funny very funny‘Č’÷@Q, nwūÄ°€ķ ć’(not funny very funny‘Č’÷@QŸ@?’ Instructions3 5wū ’°įķ 搒(If you don't understand the pun, click the button that says "I don't get it." You can rate as many puns as you like -- the more ratings, the more it will help our research. When you are done rating puns, click "quit game," at which point you can learn more about the research.‹ 2æ6óóóōŒ StartTrialæ6Ķ)zˆürInstructions2 3oöõż­4ę|’(Click here to begin ŒP3¢@?’ Instructions (wū×’°āŲķ 搒(Do people who speak different languages and have different backgrounds understand puns differently? We'd like to know. Please answer the following questions before starting the Puntastic game. All information is confidential and anonymous. Thank you for your help.‹“2 æ9óóóōŒDemographics1‘Ķ)dˆür  6 oö ż­4ę|’(Click here to continue ‘ Č’×@%iĪ  @?‰–'instructionsThere are totaltrials–GG–M sentences. Please think carefully about each one and make your best guess.G’ Instructions4 ó wū×’°xķ 搒(instructions You can rate as many puns as you like -- the more ratings, the more it will help out research. When you are done rating puns, click "quit game," at which point you can learn more about the research.‹  2 ‘Ķ)zˆĘlp  3 oöõż­4ę|’(Click here to begin ‘ Č’ē@(”ø @?’ Finish Q wūõ’°O`ķ ę|’(Thank you for participating in our experiment. ‹ xZ æb¶0Éff`.±, exit_btn6–labelExit Test–clickHandlercloseWindowæ3 óóóōŒDebrief‘ ĶułPČč`  :wū L°ą­4ę|’(Learn more about the study ‘ Č’ź@ F»@ @ ?’ Debrief 3wūė’°Ņķ ć’(About This Study: Homophones are words that have more than one meaning. Decades of research have shown that typically when we run across a homophone (The baseball player swung the bat), our brains immediately access both meanings of the homophone ('baseball bat' and 'flying bat'), but the irrelevant meaning (in this case, 'flying bat') is quickly suppressed. For a pun to be funny, both meanings have to stay active, which makes the study of puns an interesting angle into how people understand homophones. As a first step in this research, we're trying to find out what makes some puns funnier than others, and why some people like puns more than others. The first step for that first step is to find out which puns are funny, and which people like pun. Thank you for participating!‹xZ æc¶0Éff`*”»Ą exit_btn26–labelExit Test–clickHandlercloseWindow@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@